My fault or not? I don't know

[Grockle]

Okay, so both me and my girlfriend are students so we try to see each other during the downtime in our classes, she has a large break from 2:55pm then has to go to another class at 7:00, I on the other hand have classes from 8:40 - 9:55, 10:30 - 11:45, and 2:20 - 5:30. With that said here's how my story goes.

I told her that I would be able to see her after 5:30ish (She understands roughly 6:00 because of traffic) but I'd have to stop by my work to drop something off. So my class gets out late, around 5:50, and when I drop by my work, my manager needed to talk to me about my schedule, so I'm with him until 6:20. The discussion was about how I had been around 5 to 8 minutes late everyday for the past four days and I had to argue about keeping my schedule the way it is and convince him that I would be more adamant about arriving to work. I honestly believed that if I had busted out my cell at that time would've been very inappropriate and may have even cost me my job and let's all face facts, everyone needs money.

So as soon as I got out and hopped in my car I called my girl and she freaks out on me, I told her the whole situation and how I was unable to use my cell phone and she was still screaming at me and to this very moment, around 2 and a half hours later is still steamed at me.

My question is did I do something wrong and does she have a right to be mad at me? If I did not do something wrong, how do I go about and tell her that it wasn't my fault without her seeing me as belittling her.

[lan60000]

First, unexpected events occur all the time during your lifetime. You cannot possibly predict every single detail that is about to happen to you, or you'd be a psychic.

Second, lets take this to another approach. Instead of being late because your boss was unsatisfied with your work attendence, and you were late because you had an accident, or one of your relatives had an accident. Ask her what her response would be then, since nothing will always go our way in life.

Third, she only waited for about 30 minutes and shes mad at you for two hours? That is about the most selfish act i've heard this month and i dont see why you need to put up with that kind of attitude, let alone repeated apologies for her. If she doesnt understand the fact that you're squeezing time for work, school, and her, then she doesnt deserve you. Dont waste your time for someone who cant appreciate you.

Last, if you really love her (and ignored my third statement), then just make it up to her. Take all the blame for yourself and treat her to something nice. This proves you're the mature one, and she'll feel bad later on and eventually be at peace with you. Good luck

[Slayden]

^Good post. I especially agree with lan6000's third paragraph, but not necessarily the fourth. She doesn't sound like she really appreciates you and she is being extremely selfish. You were 30 minutes late due to a serious work-related issue.

If you decide to stay with her, don't try to make it up to her. This will only promote her selfishness and she may end up respecting you even less for it. Another thing is don't put up with her yelling. Firmly instruct her that she is not to yell at you, and if she does, leave the room and ignore her until she calms down. It'll enrage her more at first, and she'll likely go passive-aggressive for a while, but she'll eventually learn to control herself in your presence.

[lan60000]

lol, you're the pro XD. to be honest, you should test to see if your gf really does love you or not. if she does, then apologize and make up for it; if she doesnt, then its sayonara for her

[daniel2]

Tell her to get a life. That she'll understand its a 5 second annoyance or she'll piss off. More or less she proberly just wanted something to bitch about.

Besides has she ever been late?

[Silmeria]

you are late regardless the situation...but she doesnt have to overreact. next time something like this happens just get a flower and give it to her and say i am sorry dont play her game of getting mad.

[krnxknight]

to toss in the other op here:

she might have been genuinely worried about your safety. she knew that you had to come through some serious rush hour traffic (at least 4-6 is serious rush hour here) and when you didn't appear she became really concerned about ya. she might have had trouble expressing her relief and decided to vent it out on ya and is actually mad because she doesn't think you realized that she was really worried about you and it wasn't about having to talk to your boss.

even if the above isn't true; typically explaining the situation to someone when they're angry will do nothing (psych/bio majors can explain why if you really wanna know). apologize immediately to placate her and offer to make up for it then explain later. relationships are a compromise and if she can't accept your apology and offer to make up for it, then it's time to start thinking about your relationship.

btw, i've yet to see a female turn down a pretty flower. just don't get in the habit of buying her things to placate her when she's mad. that can get ugly and expensive.