self confident

[great-sasuke]

I want some advices to have more confidence when I´m near of a girl that I like, because I´m too shy and I have noticed that what a girls like the most is a self confident guy, so plz, any advices(consejos) that anyone can give to be more confident will be greatly appreciated.

[Silmeria]

grabs one nut and risk it and if it goes wrong hold the consecuences, is that or be always scared ^^

[daniel2]

Yeah man sometimes you just have to push yourself. Regardless of whats going to happen. If it doesn't work out 80/100 chance you'll never see her again so you never have to be embarrassed. Those are good odds bro.

[xtehlegendx]

i think it is better to join a speech and debate team! it gives you the confidence to speak to a crowd and maybe help you with relationships! I dont think you should risk anything at any moment, but maybe it's just me, but if it's a girl you like for a long time and you hang out with her then you might be able to risk it, but i have never tried confronting a girl i just like but never talked too!

[lan60000]

I think he should think on a larger scale than just the present time itself and evaluated the pro's and con's when he confesses to someone.

First, think of all the good points you have and the good points people tell you that you have (friends, family, other girls, etc), and dont tell me you got none because that's impossible.
Second, keep thinking of those good points to remind you how great of a person you are to keep your morale high when you walk up to that girl.
Third, think about the future if you confessed to the girl you love. If she had said yes, then your dream pretty much came true and you'll feel like you just scored 100 on all your tests or won the national championship at some sports. Apart from that, she'll be with you and you'll be able to express your love to her more and more. Think about how happy you'll be when you succeed, and focus on that success. If by some miracle that you've failed, then it's not much of a big deal. It only meant you two werent meant to be, and it gives you the potential to find someone far better in the long run. To me, it's a win-win situation, so full charge ahead bud. :)

[taconapsack]

That is true, but the real courage is just walking up to her.
It is all about the mindset, I think.
Walking up to her is more than half the battle and if anything think of them as future friends rather than someone you would want to go out with you are able to talk more casually.
It helped me a lot.

[MMao]

go smackz a bad guy and throw urself into a streetfightz several timez, tat way u'll b damn brave 4 sure

[daniel2]

It doesn't matter how good you are at speaking, if you have no self confidence then you'll never do it. Theres a difference between having huge muscles and knowing how to box in a ring. You can be born with something but if you don't know how to use it, your going to be beaten by the person who earned it and gained the knowledge and skill on the way.

Same thing applies to this. He needs more self confidence.

[great-sasuke]

good advices, I know that I need more self confident and what I want to know how obtain that confidence

[toadvine]

Self confidence really can only be gained through experience - if you're not confident talking to girls, just keep trying until you're well at ease with them, don't worry about the consequences, don't get ahead of yourself, just think about what you're doing as you're doing it. It's a lot easier to talk to a girl when you're only thinking "hey, talking to cute girls is fun!" instead of "Oh gods oh gods what if she doesn't like me and what if she does and I bet she's look really great with no clothes but oh crap I just made a fool of myself and I've been staring at her for wayyy too long dang this is embarassing." *approximation of my train of thought talking to girls I liked when I was in junior high*

Once you've got all the clutter out of your mind, you can converse pretty normally and just speak your mind - girls usually don't get offended when you tell them you think they're pretty; just use common sense when you choose your wording! "That shirt looks really good on you" goes over much better than "zomg I can see ur boobz!"

After that, you're pretty much in - talk about common interests (assuming you have some,) talk to her about HER interests even if you don't share them, if the opportunity arises, tell her (briefly!) how great you are, and then if things seem to be going well, get her number and/or set up a date!:em038:

Still though, the main thing is to just do it. Yeah, you'll get shot down sometimes, but a wise man won't focus on the five that say no, he'll focus on the one that says yes! :bingo2:

[Beulah_Page]

You make a good point there. Self-confidence is about experience. But I don't think that means just experience talking to girls...it's usually a general confidence issue.

I like the idea of listing all your good points...write them down, if you need to. Seeing exactly how many things make you a really great person should boost your confidence. ^_^

Also, challenge yourself a little bit every day. Do something you wouldn't usually do, whether it's talking to that girl in class who's pretty or just waving to a random person (which makes both of you smile). Or speak up and answer a question if you normally wouldn't. Or try a new restaurant. Just something to stretch your comfort zone. You'll build confidence bit by bit, and soon there will be some girl who says yes when you ask her on a date!

[Slayden]

Self-confidence isn't so much about experience as it is about conquering your fears. I agree with Beulah_Page though about building confidence through new experiences you wouldn't ordinarily do, but I want to take it a step further. If you want a crash-course, fast way of building confidence without faking it, do these two things:

Conquer your greatest fear. If it is spiders, go out of your way to kill them, but before you do, get close and study it. Watch it move and crawl until you start to relax a little, then kill it with a tissue. If you're afraid of snakes, go to a pet shop or some other place and handle nonpoisonous snakes until you are no longer of them. If you're afraid of water, take swimming lessons. These simple things will go far in your confidence levels.

Once you have conquered your greatest fear, start striking up conversations with random strangers. This is especially easy in checkout lines at the store or on a bus. Start of with old people because most are usually affable and are willing to listen and exchange words. But what you want to do is just start talking to them to get them comfortable, then just listen and let them speak. When you're fairly comfortable with the old, start talking to people in their 20's and 30's you wouldn't date, like a man or plain-looking woman who doesn't intimidate you. After this, start to converse with girls you are interested in.

[Beulah_Page]

Excellent advice as usual, Slayden. That would be a much quicker way than what I suggested.

[starfire]

A little tip to help you relax: unless there's somethign noticably unusual about how you look or act, most people are too self-absorbed to take more than a cursory notice of the strangers around them.

[Menki]

Self-confidence isn't so much about experience as it is about conquering your fears. I agree with Beulah_Page though about building confidence through new experiences you wouldn't ordinarily do, but I want to take it a step further. If you want a crash-course, fast way of building confidence without faking it, do these two things:

Conquer your greatest fear. If it is spiders, go out of your way to kill them, but before you do, get close and study it. Watch it move and crawl until you start to relax a little, then kill it with a tissue. If you're afraid of snakes, go to a pet shop or some other place and handle nonpoisonous snakes until you are no longer of them. If you're afraid of water, take swimming lessons. These simple things will go far in your confidence levels.

Once you have conquered your greatest fear, start striking up conversations with random strangers. This is especially easy in checkout lines at the store or on a bus. Start of with old people because most are usually affable and are willing to listen and exchange words. But what you want to do is just start talking to them to get them comfortable, then just listen and let them speak. When you're fairly comfortable with the old, start talking to people in their 20's and 30's you wouldn't date, like a man or plain-looking woman who doesn't intimidate you. After this, start to converse with girls you are interested in.

That is nothing close to fighting self confidence. I mean being afraid of something is way different then not having confidence in something... Me myself am afraid of spiders and ugly looking things like that, just thinking makes me shiver. If I had to study them and observe them I guess the fear will increase and not decrease.

Honestly I do understand the OP - i'm sort of in the same shit if not worst BUT fighting your daily fears is surely not the way to do it...

First off, something which I should do myself is reduce the amount of films/movies/episodes/and even games that contain resemblances of these emotions that build up confidence. Like going out more and get to know more people. Try not to be a pessimist character and also share experiences with others more openly and be proud of what you know and what you can do.

Someone listed writing down a list before and that is one good way to know what to be proud of yourself.

This must be bullshit or whatever but I have the same 'problem' and through everyday self thinking I realized myself I waste too much time on unnecessary stuff that separates me from true meaning of RL. It is like an addiction that your afraid of changing. That is the type of fear you need to overcome.

I believe some things are already there but everyone needs to find his own way through. No one knows you better then yourself.

Speaking out was always a good first step to getting confidence in yourself because you realize your own self needs to improve.

Well good luck to you and may something convince myself in what I just said....:dark:

[Kaishe]

Although I agree with what Menki said its just that the way he worded it seemed kinda wrong but getting back to Self-Confidence.

Only actual way i see that you can gain self-confidence is by not facing your fears or going and fighting someone. Its more of a mental issue that you can be reassured in what you can do, so my advice is, although i would love to say grow a back bone but sadly i can't, don't just go and walk into something blindfolded also when you are in doubt of yourself like a job interview as an example:
Lets say your a nervous rack and your about to break and your thinking of walking out because you know your going to fail, if your in a situation similar to that all you gotta do is check out your surroundings like the people around your etc. and most of the time they would be in the same mental predicament you are in so just try to think that you aren't in a boat alone about to be eaten by sharks because everyone has troubles from time to time.

[lamunphs]

Yeah man sometimes you just have to push yourself. Regardless of whats going to happen. If it doesn't work out 80/100 chance you'll never see her again so you never have to be embarrassed. Those are good odds bro.

good advice,it might not be a prob if uve never meet the girl/ guy before and will never see tham again, but what about in a situation like work or school where you will see that person/s again? thats when it gets harder.