How Should i Deal this Couple >_<! [Archive]

Queenie

02-23-2008, 11:32 PM

I tried my best with this couple and i swear ive run out of ideas .
Well, Heres the back ground story of the first couple i have to deal with ~

Fya = My best friend
Kain(Girl)= Also a close friend

About 10 months ago, i hooked them up because they liked each other and i didn't know how there dating life was yet but they seemed happy together at first . As time went by i noticed there both really jealous ppl. So most of the jealously led to arguments . The first couple months , Fya had sacrificed everythnig so that kain would be happy but when fya was sad . kain would only say "lets break up " , which fya hated alot . Then Everytime a break up occurs it seemed to switch roles , where Kain was sacrificing and fya was demanding one .

Finally, in about 9 months Fya couldn't take it and said she wanted a clear break up . which i thought was the best for them , however when we got back to school fya was with kain like everysingle day !!. I asked Fya like what are u doing i thought u broke up and she would reply to me " Were just friends" . So thats what i thought. But when Kain told me she might like another girl , Fya snapped at kain which caused kain to not like anyone and only want fya back .

This led on for like another month or so and i was tryin to tell fya that this isn't good for both of u guys because its like fya was trapping Kain on a leash. Then Around the 10 month or so A guy starts to like Kain and fya became really REALLY jealous . and finally she spoke her words" fya: I still miss kain so .. (tellin me and kain) Tell that other guy to NEVER talk to kain again and cut off ALL contacts with him . So we did and the guy never talked to kain again and fya went back with Kain .

But its been 2 weeks and Fya hasn't shown Any affection to Kain at ALL like not even talking to kain at school . So kain was questioning Fya .
Kain : Why don't u show me any affection any more ?
Fya: I do . u held my hand
Kain : for like 3 seconds and u brushed me off and u talk nice to Rei but not to me ,
Fya : i do give u affection , and im just uncomfortable and i need more time
Kain : What ? whats ur affection u gave me then .
Fya : well, i want to talk to u and want u to sit beside me
Kain : If thats affection then everyone in the world must love each other .

i heard the tone in Fya's voice and she sounded liek she didn't care at all . Now Kain is Exteremly Emo because of this and gettin really pissed off . Yet everytime me or kain try to talk to Fya it seems as if it goes out her ear . And also Fya has put alot of Rules to kain ._. . and i dunt know if thats right or not but here are some of the rules i know .

Fya's Rules 4 Kain

1: Do not talk to other girls/guys
2: Must be with me at all times , in classes u have to use every chance to be near me .
3: No swearing at all even if u tongue slip, if u do it means u don't love me enough
4: Must be home before 10
5: U can't play Maplestory because u flirt with online girls and waste money (when she plays games too and hinted to kain that game>Kain )
6: No texting or Calling in front of her

and Kain is giving up and isn't bothering to fight back anymore soon .
What should i do :[.......... :abandoned2:

Silmeria

02-24-2008, 12:02 AM

wow that relationship wont get to far......that person is beign OVERLY strict...and it seems she doesnt believe the person who likes anymore...

edit:
forgot to say it........
want something to do? let them go on and see how they do it enjoy the show...also putting leash on yourself for your other half(you can but in a moderate manner) will only lead to unhappyness

dragoncrusher

02-24-2008, 12:05 AM

ask them to talk to me :)

give them my email and i can help out

daniel2

02-24-2008, 12:37 AM

Why are you playing Matchmaker for your friends ?

Queenie

02-24-2008, 12:46 AM

@ Silmeria : Thats what i think but then fya isn't doing anything even if i tell her .

@dragoncrusher: If she doesn't know the person she won't talk >_< shes liek the Loner/emo type person

@ Imi : At first because . They both tell me they liked each other but they were too shy and wanted me to help get them together but then there both my good friends and when things happen they want me to help . and this is what happen ..

Slayden

02-24-2008, 03:13 AM

vengeance

02-24-2008, 03:33 AM

Fya = My best friend
Kain(Girl)= Also a close friend

I asked Fya like what are u doing i thought u broke up and she would reply to me " Were just friends" . So thats what i thought. But when Kain told me she might like another girl , Fya snapped at kain which caused kain to not like anyone and only want fya back .

i heard the tone in Fya's voice and she sounded liek she didn't care at all . Now Kain is Exteremly Emo because of this and gettin really pissed off . Yet everytime me or kain try to talk to Fya it seems as if it goes out her ear . And also Fya has put alot of Rules to kain ._. . and i dunt know if thats right or not but here are some of the rules i know .

and Kain is giving up and isn't bothering to fight back anymore soon .
What should i do :[.......... :abandoned2:

Forgive me if i'm wrong, but it sound like this is a gurl with gurl relationship? Or did those "She" that i happen to underline and bolded out happen to be typo's and its suppose to be he instead?

daniel2

02-24-2008, 04:16 AM

Match making is a waste of time. If they cannot see ways of being together properly then its going to be pretty hard if not near impossible for someone else to get those two people together.

I stopped playing matchmaker when girls that I LIKE came to be and asked me to help them get with someone else.

Every man and woman has to look out for his and her own desires above anyone else. (Well no, but only in matchmaking).

Silmeria

02-24-2008, 06:23 AM

LightElf

02-24-2008, 10:03 AM

I dont think the relationship will last very long as well. It'd be better to cleanly break it off. The term jealousy is a word describing the feeling of angriness or unhappiness because someone you like or love is showing interest in someone else. And mere acts such as talking, laughing, or just being near someone else may very well induce emotions to override reason, creating a set of misunderstandings, and thinking your GF/BF may be thinking of cheating on you. Whilst this may be an indication that the person feeling jealousy is deeply in love with his/her GF/BF, it may however also be obsession, which is not the same as sincere love. I believe love cannot exist without trust. Just because a couple is together, it is not right to limit that person's contact with other people, even if it is of the opposite sex. Keeping a leash on your GF/BF like the Fya guy you talked about means that he does not trust her enough to be sure that she only loves him and will not cheat on him. Such a love cannot hold for very long. It would be better to break them off now. I think as a friend it'd be better to do that for the sake of both of them.

But you may well decide to invite both of them to a restaurant or something like that to quitly talk about this whole issue, if you dont like my initial conclusion I offered. I think the best you can do there is to tell them to trust each other, if they really love each other, and if they cant do so, then it is not love, but rather obsession. Or you may decide to have this talk with each of them individually, and let them work it out themselves. That relationship is seriously crumbling, and the best way to save it is to repair their broken trust to each other, and if that doesnt work, it'd be better to end it.

Kenadian

02-24-2008, 10:37 AM

Few things.

First, the lesson to be learned here is DO NOT be a matchmaker for your own friends; and if you do, make sure they don't have personality issues.:monk:

Second, try and get Fya to realize the uhh...folly, of her ways and stop being so goddamned anal retentive and actually care for Kain.

Third, if nothing changes, either wash your hands of the issue or get Kain to simply break up with Fya for good.

Queenie

02-24-2008, 12:48 PM

*sigh* Matchmaking is an arduous process and most CERTAINLY not for imperceptive amateurs (no offense Queenie) or else this is the most expected outcome.

:omgnooo:

If I were to get to know them and speak to each of them directly, like over MSN, I could help them out to at least tolerate each other and even at times show some affection, but in all honesty, they are bad, bad, BAD for each other. And their greatest stumbling blocks are their own lack of maturity. The extreme jealousy that each harbors with the other will continue to tear each other apart. It is best that they never enter a deep relationship. Have them break it off entirely. Their natures are too conflicting. This relationship is unsalvageable.

>_< I've learnt my lesson on never match making again but i do want to fix this one because i can't stand seeing both of my good friends emo .

I tried to get them to break up like i kept telling them to break up . I told Kain to break up and one time she tried. but the next day Fya would call kain and cry alot which makes kain get *stabbed* then kain can't leave . and they still hang around each other like everyday , even if they "wanted a breakup" to fya even if there broken up she expects kain to not like anyone else and be nice to fya only . so in the end Kain is trapped . Its not that i don't want them to break up its everytime i try Fya manages to get her fingers around Kain again @_@ . and then recently kain jsut tells me that fya said the reason she doesn't like hugging /kissing/holdin hands is because she grew up and that kain should grow up too because kains too much of a kid . so its basically Fya not letting Kain go now @_@.

@ Vengance : Yes Kain is a girl but she looks like a guy on the outside o.o

@Light Elf : I told that to them too but it's fya not wantin to trust any more and like i said above fya seems to not lettin Kain go and puts strict rules on kain and doesn't show any affection

@kendian : Iand yes never match make again T-T !! Ive been tryin to tell fya for 3 months to not do those things because shes killing kain like that but it goes out her ear and she keeps doing it . and when i tell kain to break up as soon as fya comes back like sobbing , kain gets so hearted and wants her back , because for kain she thinks theres no one else in the world .

LightElf

02-24-2008, 02:07 PM

@Light Elf : I told that to them too but it's fya not wantin to trust any more and like i said above fya seems to not lettin Kain go and puts strict rules on kain and doesn't show any affection
thats not love, thats then more like obsession. and if fya really does love kain, then why is she not showing her any affection? that kinda doesnt make sense. By the way, this is a girl-girl relationship right???

@kendian : Iand yes never match make again T-T !! Ive been tryin to tell fya for 3 months to not do those things because shes killing kain like that but it goes out her ear and she keeps doing it . and when i tell kain to break up as soon as fya comes back like sobbing , kain gets so hearted and wants her back , because for kain she thinks theres no one else in the world .

Man this is complicated...one doesnt show any affection which hurts the other, but the other cant break up cuz she thinks fya is the only one in the world for her and fya cant trust kain enough to withdraw such "rules"...this certainly isnt love.

this relationship wont last long and one or the other (or both) will end up hurt in the end, so I think the best thing you can do now is just...well...make sure you're "there" for them as a friend...although this may be very hard since you're like the "middle-man" and probably would want to stay friends with both of them...well good luck on that.

But maybe Fya refrains from showing affection cuz its a girl-girl relationship? She may feel embarrassed in front of others to show physical affection to Kain? Or am I wrong?

pretmaker

02-24-2008, 03:03 PM

Let the guy break up again or just let him break the rules. Talk to the girl that she should not be so strict on him and also put it the other way around....

If it is needed then just let them try each other out. Let them test each other so that a trust is founded. Seems to me that there is no trust.

And further more... Step back and let the relationship develop on its own legs. Just give your opinion if asked and give some advice. But do not do things for them. Else they will start to fight about you. And then you will lose both friends. So be prepared to prevent that situation.

Be unbaised. Be neutral. Just give advice and just hear their problems. That is what a friend should do at most basically. Nothing more and nothing less.

Queenie

02-24-2008, 06:32 PM

thats not love, thats then more like obsession. and if fya really does love kain, then why is she not showing her any affection? that kinda doesnt make sense. By the way, this is a girl-girl relationship right???

Man this is complicated...one doesnt show any affection which hurts the other, but the other cant break up cuz she thinks fya is the only one in the world for her and fya cant trust kain enough to withdraw such "rules"...this certainly isnt love.

this relationship wont last long and one or the other (or both) will end up hurt in the end, so I think the best thing you can do now is just...well...make sure you're "there" for them as a friend...although this may be very hard since you're like the "middle-man" and probably would want to stay friends with both of them...well good luck on that.

But maybe Fya refrains from showing affection cuz its a girl-girl relationship? She may feel embarrassed in front of others to show physical affection to Kain? Or am I wrong?

Well it is girl -girl relationship but even when there alone fya shows no affection to kain. To fya Affection = Talkin and sitting beside each other

@pret maker : Yea i guess i'll let things run but i sit with them at lunch too and its just like a emo area T_T ! also cuz i don't know where my other friends are so its so awkward ._.

LightElf

02-24-2008, 06:58 PM

Well it is girl -girl relationship but even when there alone fya shows no affection to kain. To fya Affection = Talkin and sitting beside each other

If thats what Fya feels is affection...damn everyone must be in love with everyone then.

I think the best thing to do is just to let them be and sort it out themselves, but maybe you could try and persuade Kain to take the initiative? Like she could hug or kiss or show more of that sort of physical affection for Fya and see what happens. Or does Fya not like that? You somewhere mentioned holding hands etc was something Fya thought was childish, but at least hugging and kissing may be not as childish as that??? One of the three basic components to support love aside of trust is physical affection towards each other...so if Kain could take the "leading" role things may change?? Just my opinion.

daniel2

02-24-2008, 07:45 PM

I think Queenie that your just going to have to let them find their own way around things.
Tell Fya to stop calling Kain and crying like a little bitch and that he wouldn't have been dumped if he was a better guy, and to grow up.
Honestly Queenie don't worry about these two, if you cant stand them being like emos, walk up to them speak your mind say you can't stand them being emo's to work it out or that the whole friendship is over.
They wont take their doomed relationship over your friendship. This will also help them break up properly.

Queenie

02-24-2008, 08:15 PM

If thats what Fya feels is affection...damn everyone must be in love with everyone then.

I think the best thing to do is just to let them be and sort it out themselves, but maybe you could try and persuade Kain to take the initiative? Like she could hug or kiss or show more of that sort of physical affection for Fya and see what happens. Or does Fya not like that? You somewhere mentioned holding hands etc was something Fya thought was childish, but at least hugging and kissing may be not as childish as that??? One of the three basic components to support love aside of trust is physical affection towards each other...so if Kain could take the "leading" role things may change?? Just my opinion.

uhmm when kain tries to hug /hold hands with fya , Fya says that kain just wants her for the cuddlying/sex and stuff. And when kain tries like just to hold hand Fya brushes it off @_@ .

@ Imi : Thanks imi :]! i think im just going to Tell fya what i think and tell her if shes going to keep this up and be like this then next time they "breakup " hopefully i won't do anything to help but say " i told u so " >_< but also i tell fya not to like call but for somereason she still does and like uses her "cute act" toget kain hooked again T-T.

daniel2

02-24-2008, 10:47 PM

I just think the guy (sorry they both have guy names) is a user and the girl just wants a boyfriend. Anyway good luck with that.

Slayden

02-24-2008, 10:55 PM

pretmaker, it's not "let it develop on its own", more like "let it crash on its own." And yes I prefer face-to-face discussions on things like this, but for all I know this is taking place on the opposite side of the planet. I'm not going to fly out just for this.

LightElf, your advice is hit and miss. You are absolutely right in calling it what it is, which is obsession, but you are only offering "theories" and "try this" for answers, most of which is off.

ImI, matchmaking works, but you have to be smart about it. We aren't born into a cookie cutter with a blank slate on our minds. We have personality tenancies right from the day we were born. Core personalities when paired with their complements creates a harmonious relationship. Every relationship takes work, but if you are meant for someone, you barely have to work at it at all. You don't have to change yourself or your partner because being yourself is what satisfies him/her.

MOST people are not meant for each other, and MOST people get pissed off at me for saying that, because MOST people make piss-poor decisions concerning love and it's people like ME that are left to pick up the pieces.

You see enough relationships fall apart and you play the role of mediator enough, you tend to learn a thing or two about people and love. I've predicted the success marriages when others were saying "They're not going to work out. This is bound to fail." I've also predicted the failure of marriages on the wedding day when everyone around was saying "Aww... they're perfect for each other." Guess what happened? [Only registered and activated users can see links]

If you want true love, and not lust disguised as love through self-deceit, you are going to have to learn to be observant and wait, for years most likely. An individual is not compatible on a romance level with MOST people on the planet. And I am so sick and tired of people praising me for my insights in one breath then condemning or discounting me on this issue in the next.

As far as the relationship between Fya and Kain is concerned, this relationship has developed into something beyond just obsession. It has developed into codependence. Fya is essentially "addicted" to Kain which is why she keeps drawing her back, then abusing Kain's love. I am the jealous and possessive type too, which is compounded by the fact that I'm fatherless and lacked maternal love growing up, but I have learned to restrain myself and not become domineering in a relationship. These two have no excuse. Do these kids happen to be between the ages of 12-15?

Fya sounds like a real bitch to Kain, and telling Kain to "grow up" when Kain wants to hold hands is asinine. I can't keep my hands off a girl that I'm interested in, and holding hands is a show of affection that lasts until couples are in they're 90's. Fya is actually regressing, not growing up.

Do whatever it takes to break them up. Sleep with one of them if you have to. For God's sake get them away from each other because this is just going to continue for a while before it finally crashes. One of them (Kain more likely) may need to commit in another relationship for the break to be final.

Queenie

02-24-2008, 11:25 PM

As far as the relationship between Fya and Kain is concerned, this relationship has developed into something beyond just obsession. It has developed into codependence. Fya is essentially "addicted" to Kain which is why she keeps drawing her back, then abusing Kain's love. I am the jealous and possessive type too, which is compounded by the fact that I'm fatherless and lacked maternal love growing up, but I have learned to restrain myself and not become domineering in a relationship. These two have no excuse. Do these kids happen to be between the ages of 12-15?

Fya sounds like a real bitch to Kain, and telling Kain to "grow up" when Kain wants to hold hands is asinine. I can't keep my hands off a girl that I'm interested in, and holding hands is a show of affection that lasts until couples are in they're 90's. Fya is actually regressing, not growing up.

Do whatever it takes to break them up. Sleep with one of them if you have to. For God's sake get them away from each other because this is just going to continue for a while before it finally crashes. One of them (Kain more likely) may need to commit in another relationship for the break to be final.

Well There Actually Fya=girl is 18 and Kain =17 tomboy girl . Well i agree that Fya's a totally bitch at the moment but Kain is submissive type apprently like kain just keeps thinking " I still love her " and every time i try to get kain to break it off NOW !! Fya does some cute act that makes kain want fya again @_@.. Thats the only problem im havin now . After they break up or say they do when there back at school they hang around each other like every min @_@ !! and then Fya does some crying and kain falls for it again T-T !! So its basically Fya that's Ruining me tryin to break them off ri ght now . And im really stumped at how to deal with Fya

daniel2

02-25-2008, 12:19 AM

Tell Fya to stop asking like a baby and to grow up. Also to stay away from Kain.

Slayden

02-25-2008, 12:50 AM

Queenie

02-25-2008, 01:04 AM

Kain's love is being abused by Fya, and I can't stand it! [Only registered and activated users can see links] I hate it I hate it I hate it! I know what that's like!

And they're 17 and 18? That's even worse! They should be more mature for their ages, though I'm especially referring to Fya. The answer is to get one of them in another committed relationship, but it would be far easier to do this with Kain than it would be for Fya. Kain may act tough on the outside but she actually has a tender heart on the inside. Fya may act sweet on the outside but has a user's heart on the inside.

Thats so true T_T i hate that alot myself when i see this and ur actually very right about kain and fya XD! . But well I just Told Kain to Wake up from this and like Look at what Fya's really been doing and ive been telling Kain striaght on "Break up " i hope she understands my message . After if i can get it to Kain i just need to get the message to Fya @_@

@Imi : i want fya to stay away but somehow she calls Kain at Night And Cries to Kain and i don't know about this until the next day @_@

Slayden

02-25-2008, 01:13 AM

i want fya to stay away but somehow she calls Kain at Night And Cries to Kain and i don't know about this until the next day @_@

It's because Fya's a USER! :1:

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Queenie

02-25-2008, 01:55 AM

It's because Fya's a USER! :1:

Lol! Im not sure how to solve that part @_@ i think im getting Kain to think....hopefully........not sure about fya yet because fya doesn't seem all sweet and yea bitchy inside :abandoned2:

pretmaker

02-25-2008, 03:28 PM

Well it is girl -girl relationship but even when there alone fya shows no affection to kain. To fya Affection = Talkin and sitting beside each other

@pret maker : Yea i guess i'll let things run but i sit with them at lunch too and its just like a emo area T_T ! also cuz i don't know where my other friends are so its so awkward ._.

No need for spaces Queenie :P

Pretmaker will do fine enough :)

Girl <-> Girl relationship is not something that I have experiance with... I do not have a good understanding of what their relationship is based on. Although I can imagine that it is hard to sit between them.

I had the same thing but then it was with boys... And oh dear did that get hot some times... :S I have done allot in my young years. Met allot of people and I also did allot of things that would be considered wrong...

I also did good things like helping older people with their groceries, but those things are easilly ignored :P

But the main problem that I can only see is doubt. The one doubts the truthfullness of the others feelings. And maybe since it is a girl <-> girl relationship she could be affraid that she would go for a boy instead of a girl. So one of them could be Bi sexual.... The other could just be lesbian or gay (how ever you want to call it).

I would just sit back and let them develop it for their own. You can easilly handle both (at least I can). But you need to find a way to handle both.
Give both of them a vibrator at the same time... Or let them do a promise to each other. Or just decide that you make the rules and that you are going to gaurd them in the beginning.

Or else... Just break up the friendship...

A common Dutch saying that is not much used is the following.
Men leert zijn vrienden kennen in tijden van nood.
In English.
Man gets to know his friends in times of distress.

So basically... Maybe they are not as good friends as they should be. I only have a few friends that I can say that they are friends... But none of them is really a close friend. They are just friends.
I do not trust them enough with my full life etc... I trust nobody on that thing yet...

But the most interresting part for you is here... :)

Why not join in their relationship. Just meddle allot in it. They will ask you to stay out of it. And they will hate you. But in return they will grow closer... That is also a possibility.

Else I can only say that you should follow my advise and just try it out. Hear their problems but do not medle. Normally a friend is needed as an exhaust. The problems need to be ventilated....

Else the break-up is indeed the only way... Why not use a forced breakup like Slayden suggested....

Just go to bed with one of them and use/have then all night long... (She must enjoy it though... :P) Then it will be over pretty soon. Try to get the tough one :P That is more interresting for you :)

Queenie

02-25-2008, 05:42 PM

No need for spaces Queenie :P

Pretmaker will do fine enough :)

But the most interresting part for you is here... :)

Why not join in their relationship. Just meddle allot in it. They will ask you to stay out of it. And they will hate you. But in return they will grow closer... That is also a possibility.

Else I can only say that you should follow my advise and just try it out. Hear their problems but do not medle. Normally a friend is needed as an exhaust. The problems need to be ventilated....

Else the break-up is indeed the only way... Why not use a forced breakup like Slayden suggested....

Just go to bed with one of them and use/have then all night long... (She must enjoy it though... :P) Then it will be over pretty soon. Try to get the tough one :P That is more interresting for you :)

hahaa sowwie :3~ Well i Talked To fya today and like She told me She's afraidto break up to kain because Kain would call fya and tell her "im going to suicide" And she's really Frightened over it now because Kain Cut her self before so now fya doesn't know what to do . she told me she misses kain sometimes but never can trust her again .

ewww D: im not gonna waste my lovely virginity on them T_T ! i prefer to be striaght XD! even though i read things *cough* LoL just sittin in the middle its kinda awkward iguess xD! although ive been through them makin out infront of me already and other things @_@

Slayden

02-25-2008, 09:17 PM

Ah. I suspected you were a girl from your style of writing though I was not sure. "Queenie" isn't enough to let on what sex you are because we have a lot of gay guys here. *shrug* I don't really care about a person's sexual preferences. I look at character.

Well i Talked To fya today and like She told me She's afraidto break up to kain because Kain would call fya and tell her "im going to suicide" And she's really Frightened over it now because Kain Cut her self before so now fya doesn't know what to do .

Ugh. This is getting better and better... Suicide? She doesn't have the guts to do it. Those who talk about suicide just want attention. Very rarely does a person actually go through with a suicide when they talk about it. If a person wants to kill themselves, they just up and do it, not giving a warning beforehand. Cutting? This is a combination of despair and wanting attention, but especially the latter.

*sigh* Leave them to their own ends. They're both users, though Kain is far more subtle, attempting to use guilt to get what she wants.

daniel2

02-25-2008, 09:51 PM

Slayden matchmaking gives the "matchmaker" nothing. Except the happiness of seeing your two friends together. However, in all cases it is YOUR views that you are using to put two people together. YOU think that "Man A" and "Girl B" look like they would go well together, and because its YOUR views and YOUR opinion, the relationship is usually ALWAYS doomed from the beginning. If two people would go well together those two people have to find that bond for themselves. Thats the long and the short of it.
I've found from matchmaking, while I get nothing out of it, not even happiness because I just don't see it as something I could get happiness out of, I've found that the two people usually end up hating each other afterwards so a relationship between them serves to 'drive-them-apart' rather then bring them closer together. Mainly because It's YOUR opinion that saw them together in the first place.
Also you'll find alot of the time one of the two will ask you for help in the matter seeing as your the one that put them together in the first place.

The whole suicide thing is bullshit. Believe me I've been through suicide its alot harder then you think, it takes a real crazy and/or extremely depressed and pathetic person to kill themself. While Kain sounds like a pretty pathetic person she wouldn't have the guts to kill herself over Fya.

Queenie you need to leave Fya and Kain alone. Tell them you do not want any part of it, don't listen to Slaydens baka`ish comments saying sleep with one of them or "do anything to drive them apart".
Just do nothing. I would leave both of them alone they need to come to terms with the fact that they are not (as Slayden would say) "Compatible" with eachother. So you need to leave them alone and get on with your own life. I would talk to neither of them, give them a million miles of space and if they do strike a conversation with you, by all means continue that conversation but if it turns to their 'pathetic' relationship (if you can call it a relationship) together tell him/her/them that you want no part of it.

If your unable to do that its because you like being in turmoil with them because you obviously think its cool to be able to help manage someone elses problems/failed relationship. Which is just sad, in short.

On the other hand show them this thread, not the forums. Let Kain and Fya read all of this and all our opinions. It'll make their relationship or break it.

Now Queenie I'm looking at your position in this, and the fact that you have ANY position in this is sad in its own manner. You need to break off your friendship with both of them. I need'nt tell you the reason why, they are users and they are both the type of pathetic people who will do anything to get what they want, they are neither good for eachother nor good for you.
Leave them alone, just because you put them together doesn't mean you have to be condemned to their petty bullshit and guilt mongering.

However do what you will, no one listens to the opinion of someone like myself.

~ImI

Queenie

02-26-2008, 12:06 AM

Ah. I suspected you were a girl from your style of writing though I was not sure. "Queenie" isn't enough to let on what sex you are because we have a lot of gay guys here. *shrug* I don't really care about a person's sexual preferences. I look at character.

Ugh. This is getting better and better... Suicide? She doesn't have the guts to do it. Those who talk about suicide just want attention. Very rarely does a person actually go through with a suicide when they talk about it. If a person wants to kill themselves, they just up and do it, not giving a warning beforehand. Cutting? This is a combination of despair and wanting attention, but especially the latter.

*sigh* Leave them to their own ends. They're both users, though Kain is far more subtle, attempting to use guilt to get what she wants.

Lol Yes im a girl :D! although irl im pretty shy around guys @_@ dunno why. and when i guy likes me er....i dunt like pure ones.... *cough* ..too innnocent for me XD! yet almost all the guys around me are too shy to do anything makes me kinda sad T__T that theres no funky guys out here ! Slayden come heeree LOL jk jk xD !

And Well i had a last talk with both of them Today to Kain and Fya and i told them like this is the last time im ever talkin to them about there relationship and i told them that im never going to help them again because i've tried and now im just going to watch and see what they do . Its basically up to them now on how they want to continue this . :]! Thansk alot everyone <3 i hope it ends okay.........@_@! but thanks everyone for the advices <3:lovelove:

Queenie

02-26-2008, 12:07 AM

AND IMI TOO >_<!! ty u to u too

Slayden

02-26-2008, 12:58 AM

Good matchmakers hold an objective view of others and know who is best paired with whom. "Middlemen" are mere go-betweens that put any two people together, often because one friend wants to hook up with another but doesn't have the courage to go right up and ask. ImI, you know little about matchmaking, though it'll be absolutely useless arguing with you about it because you seem to hold a slight and tenuous experience and your own personal opinion on the matter higher than a time-tested, genuinely effective way to bring couples together.

The whole suicide thing is bullshit. Believe me I've been through suicide its alot harder then you think, it takes a real crazy and/or extremely depressed and pathetic person to kill themself. While Kain sounds like a pretty pathetic person she wouldn't have the guts to kill herself over Fya.

Your presentation could be better you know...

ImI, you've "been" through suicide? Do you mean that you know someone who has commit suicide? or are you referring to suicidal thoughts? Have you toyed with knives or played with bullets? Have you thought about what to say in a possible note or tape recording, explaining the reasons of your actions? Have you ever set up your suicidal method and just stare at, shifting back and forth between reasons to live and reasons to die? Have you made your peace with death to the point that you no longer fear it, relying more on reasoning and the possibility of new, future experiences to curb the death wish?

Queenie you need to leave Fya and Kain alone. Tell them you do not want any part of it, don't listen to Slaydens baka`ish comments saying sleep with one of them or "do anything to drive them apart". Just do nothing.

I said "sleep with one of them" for emphasis; I didn't mean it literally. The reason I initially said to do anything to "get them away from each other" is I was not aware that they were such users at first. I thought they were two good girls that had jealousy problems. As I said, I myself am of the jealous type so I could sympathize, but they took it to extremes I would never go. As I found out more, I was under the impression that Kain was tender and basically being abused by Fya, so I sought to save Kain from such a fate. Then when I still learn more I see that they are both users and neither is worth saving (well, Kain *might* be, but I have to know more about her before making that call), which is why I said this:

*sigh* Leave them to their own ends. They're both users, though Kain is far more subtle, attempting to use guilt to get what she wants.

I am a man of action. I will give you a solution and advice to a resolve a problem you present to me. But if you give me incomplete or erroneous information, then I will give you good advice that won't apply to you, rendering it useless.

If your unable to do that its because you like being in turmoil with them because you obviously think its cool to be able to help manage someone elses problems/failed relationship. Which is just sad, in short.

[Only registered and activated users can see links]

ImI, are you on your period? You've been unnecessarily rude in a number of threads today.

On the other hand show them this thread, not the forums. Let Kain and Fya read all of this and all our opinions. It'll make their relationship or break it.

As if OUR opinions would actually matter to them. [Only registered and activated users can see links] Don't be so egotistical to say that we matter so much that WE would make or break their relationship because we are so important that they would take what we said to heart. As much as what some of us are saying is true, they wouldn't be open to accepting it anyway merely because we are strangers.

I would talk to neither of them, give them a million miles of space and if they do strike a conversation with you, by all means continue that conversation but if it turns to their 'pathetic' relationship (if you can call it a relationship) together tell him/her/them that you want no part of it.

Now Queenie I'm looking at your position in this, and the fact that you have ANY position in this is sad in its own manner. You need to break off your friendship with both of them. I need'nt tell you the reason why, they are users and they are both the type of pathetic people who will do anything to get what they want, they are neither good for eachother nor good for you.
Leave them alone, just because you put them together doesn't mean you have to be condemned to their petty bullshit and guilt mongering.

I agree with this. I think you need some new friends Queenie. Sometimes you have to break off relationships so that they don't drag you down. Don't go to them or seek a friendship with them any longer. If they come to you, that is one thing. Be cordial and help them in other areas of their lives if they need it, but you have already said your piece on their relationship so don't let them drag you into it again. Otherwise, make some new friends. You have to know when to sever ties and how to sever them. You'll have to move on.

However do what you will, no one listens to the opinion of someone like myself.

With good reason. It's full of holes!

Slayden

02-26-2008, 01:09 AM

Lol Yes im a girl :D! although irl im pretty shy around guys @_@ dunno why. and when i guy likes me er....i dunt like pure ones.... *cough* ..too innnocent for me XD! yet almost all the guys around me are too shy to do anything makes me kinda sad T__T that theres no funky guys out here ! Slayden come heeree LOL jk jk xD !

Ha ha ha! How many times have I seen that "innocent" coyness? Why don't YOU come to ME? What do you think about? What are your fantasies? :D

Queenie

02-26-2008, 01:42 AM

Ha ha ha! How many times have I seen that "innocent" coyness? Why don't YOU come to ME? What do you think about? What are your fantasies? :D

LOL! but its so true though omfg my first ex was too afraid to even hold my hand and im mroe of the daring type...so im like GAH!! i probably kissed him more than he did to me ..XD ! . Piff! ur so farrr u coming to mee is better ^_~ Lol! ..i swear those remain in my mind XD i get so embrassed no way am i sayin it!! u probbaly have more than me >:D :JFBQ00213070516A:

daniel2

02-26-2008, 01:51 AM

Slayden have you ever heard the term "a little trust would go along way"

As for the "suicidal topic" I've tried to kill myself numerous times. By crashing my car into another car, by stabbing myself and other pathetic and strenuous methods which brought about alot of things. I've been medicated and clinically cured. So I'm back to 'normal' as you say.
(Not currently on any medication now, as I don't need it and I'm very very happy to say I'll never act like I did in the past). :D
Things like this I would have preferred to keep to myself but as you cannot take a mans word some things need to be explained.
You also said have any of your friends committed suicide? Yes. I've lost 2 friends to suicide one of them walked infront of a car the other overdosed on his parents heroin.
While I tried getting over that I also had to help my friends who knew the guy and girl get over it as well.

What I said about Kain and how I expressed myself is that of who I am. I think it takes a different sort of pathetic person to imagine themselves dead and others suffering thanks to their own decisions. Suicide is wrong and its extremely selfish. Slayden there is no 'nice' way to explain suicide there is no 'icing on the cake'.

As for being rude you cannot express your emotions over the interweb. I'm not going to even go into the whole "are you on your period you seem to be in a bad mood today".

Our opinions towards this whole 'mess' should matter a great deal. If I myself were in either Kain or Fya's shoes I'd think pretty deeply about where I was heading after reading all this.

Also what I said on Queenie becoming involved in this whole thing, its very easy to end a situation like this. We (you and I Slayden) have given her a multitude of options and reasons to get off of this herself. However I'm inclined to ask if she actually wants out of it, some people take pride in being in messes like this, because they simply like being 'involved'.
It takes alot of maturity to know when to step out of something that doesn't involve you rather then to continue to dwell on things that you cannot fix.

As for the matter I'm done with the whole thread. If you wish to discuss 'private' personal matters of mine please 'do' PM me so I can get them out of the way, so next time when I actually speak on 'personal experience' you wont judge me so quickly.

~ImI

daniel2

02-26-2008, 03:34 PM

AND IMI TOO >_<!! ty u to u too

ThankYOU.

If it sounded like I came across as anything less then totally calm I'm sorry.
Sometimes matters like these need to be dealt with an iron fist followed by some heavy verbal jousting.

Slayden

02-27-2008, 03:49 AM

Huh. I was never on medication. My mother didn't care enough and in fact would berate me for my depressions, often mocking me for it. I even played Russian roulette by myself. .44 caliber six-shot revolver. 1 bullet, spin the barrel and let fate decide. *click* I did that once on two separate occasions, 12 and 14 years of age I believe. I would even stare at my reflection in knives then calmly, sadly smile. Suicide runs in my family and 5 out of my 6 great-uncles all commit suicide.

I used thought and will to pull me out of suicidal tendencies, primarily looking to the future and what I could make to replace all the bad memories. As a result, I can spot real suicidal thought struggles from attention grabbers.

Slayden have you ever heard the term "a little trust would go along way"

I am a very suspicious, then very trusting, then suspicious person. Bad combo. Forgive me.

What I said about Kain and how I expressed myself is that of who I am. I think it takes a different sort of pathetic person to imagine themselves dead and others suffering thanks to their own decisions. Suicide is wrong and its extremely selfish. Slayden there is no 'nice' way to explain suicide there is no 'icing on the cake'.

I'm not disagreeing with what you said, I'm saying you could have phrased it better. The way you phrased it leaves the impression of superiority and disgust for her.

Our opinions towards this whole 'mess' should matter a great deal. If I myself were in either Kain or Fya's shoes I'd think pretty deeply about where I was heading after reading all this.

No you wouldn't. You're too stubborn. XD

However I'm inclined to ask if she actually wants out of it, some people take pride in being in messes like this, because they simply like being 'involved'.

She sees her friends are in distress and is trying to help them. It is not that she "likes being in turmoil with them because (she) obviously think its cool to be able to help manage someone elses problems/failed relationship. Which is just sad, in short.", which was very rude I might add.

I myself try to get myself involved in these things as well, but my desire is to help. You yourself have found benefit from my advice. Are you now going to turn around and call me a "sad" person too because of it?

It takes alot of maturity to know when to step out of something that doesn't involve you rather then to continue to dwell on things that you cannot fix.

Yes it does.

Sometimes matters like these need to be dealt with an iron fist followed by some heavy verbal jousting.

Oh lord. *sigh* You most certainly aren't the counselor or adviser type. [Only registered and activated users can see links]

Piff! ur so farrr u coming to mee is better ^_~ Lol! ..i swear those remain in my mind XD i get so embrassed no way am i sayin it!! u probbaly have more than me >:D :JFBQ00213070516A:

I'm sure if given the chance I'd control your comings and goings pretty well. *cough* XD

Yah know... the more you suppress it, the more you want it... :JFBQ00213070516A:

daniel2

02-27-2008, 04:24 AM

As for being rude you cannot express your emotions over the interweb.

You cannot express emotion over the internet.

Slayden

02-27-2008, 05:33 AM

You CAN to a certain degree. Often you express your deeper, unsaid feelings better on paper. That's why many psychologists suggest writing letters to a person you hate but not send them.

daniel2

02-27-2008, 07:38 AM

Slayden pretend that you and I just met I tell you I want to kill you... you can't take me seriously. Because how do you know I'm not laughing right now as I write this and that its all a harmful joke... But how do you know I'm not serious..?

Paradox lulz?

Nuff said?

YOU CANNOT EXPRESS EMOTION OVER THE INTERNET!
The real final description expressing emotion refers to needing to be in someones physical presence.

While your right to a degree your also wrong. Which is why its a paradox.
If you want it as straight as fish and chips, you cannot take a person seriously over the internet, because the internet is ssrs business.

Case closed.

Slayden

02-28-2008, 12:31 AM

A foolish position to take. The internet is little more than high-speed literature presentations. By saying that you cannot express emotion through the internet, you are saying you cannot express emotion in literature, both poetry and prose. No. This is a foolish notion. It would be more accurate to say "It is easy to misinterpret the emotion of those who don't know how to write properly."

Regardless, you were rude in your statement to Queenie. You even admitted you were calm when you said it. If you call a person an asshole calmly, this is in fact worse than saying it in anger because you have expressed what you truly think of them even in a sober state of mind. Thus your apology was a hollow one, because you apologized for the way you "might" have come off, rather than what you actually said.

Finally, as a side not, you certainly seem to be going through a "paradox" phase because you bring it up at every turn, even when it doesn't apply.

daniel2

02-28-2008, 01:00 AM

Who cares Queenie didn't show that she was offended. What is rude to some isn't rude to others. If Queenie was offended then I am sorry, other then that I just don't give a shit. I could see the "Blah blah blah your saying you cannot express your emotions in words etc etc etc" comming from a mile away.

Another thing, I'll call people what I damn want, remember its only my opinion. I'm 1 very small slide of the forums here. As for what you think, for once I really don't care I was helping Queenie to see that she didn't need these people as friends and I was getting her to question herself "Am I actually enjoying refereeing these too "friends" of mines relationship"

How I do things and how you do them is different. I will always be different. While you have your thoughts about how I say things I have mine. Vice Versa.

Lastly about this paradox "phase" that I'm apparently going through. Open your eyes, there are more paradoxes then you think. If you didn't act so stubborn all the time and you hopped in my shoes for atleast 5minutes and took what I said into consideration instead of thinking you know everything because your older, maybe you would see it as a paradox.

Stop acting like a teacher, I loathe teachers. You were much better when you kept to the subject and were not so intrusive of others way of life.

I do things my way, I always have. I'm a stubborn person. Get used to it, we have a wide variety of flavor on the forums. I change for no one. Behind the *cough* rudeness or whatever you call it, (I call it being blunt) I give good information. I always have given good information, you can interpret things alot of different ways choose any of them.

Slayden

02-28-2008, 01:55 AM

That is true. Anyone can be an ass if they so choose and I have no say in the way they decide to communicate. But that won't stop me from intervening however, because not everyone can express themselves as clearly as you or me. I've overtaken many flamers on other boards with my own flames just to show them how it feels, and for my own personal delight, and I won't hesitate to do it again.

As for what you think, for once I really don't care I was helping Queenie to see that she didn't need these people as friends and I was getting her to question herself "Am I actually enjoying refereeing these too "friends" of mines relationship"

People cannot read minds. They can only understand what you communicate to them. Pouring salt in a wound and calling it aid does not help. Regardless of your intentions, your statement was rude. Period.

How I do things and how you do them is different. I will always be different. While you have your thoughts about how I say things I have mine. Vice Versa.

That goes without saying. <_< The methodology and perceptions of expression largely remains constant however.

Open your eyes, there are more paradoxes then you think.

Don't pretend to know what is in my mind. A person who is born on a leap day is only 5 when he turns 20 years old. "Paradoxically though it may seem, it is none the less true that life imitates art far more than art imitates life." "To strive for peace, one must prepare for war." I know about paradoxes and how prolific they are. Why do you think I like moral paradoxes so much (aka moral dilemmas)?

Stop acting like a teacher, I loathe teachers.

I am by nature a confidant. No not a "confident", con-FY-dant with an "A". I am a listener who offers advice and does, in part, TEACH. I may restrain this if a person is going through troubled times though and needs a shoulder to cry on or just someone to talk to.

You were much better when you kept to the subject and were not so intrusive of others way of life.

No. I was much better in your eyes when I wasn't addressing you.

If you didn't act so stubborn all the time...
I'm a stubborn person. Get used to it...

Umm... what's wrong with this picture?

I always have given good information, you can interpret things alot of different ways choose any of them.

You *always* give good information?? Fuck, your arrogance knows no bounds. Even I won't make that claim.

This is going nowhere. You are entrenched in your ways and are adamant to believe that speaking truth with a razor's edge is wise.

daniel2

02-28-2008, 02:52 AM

No this just hit a dead end. Because I'm not up to discussing it further. Just shut up and stop questioning me, question everyone else. From now on by all means express your opinion but don't expect me to do anything except quote you to help with the thread topic. I expect you to do the same, I wont be baited over this.

I am stubborn. I do however ALWAYS try to see where you are comming from, did I not actually read that stupid astrology stuff you sent me? Eventually? Because I took your word that it would be interesting and I thought shit, if Slayden is interested it might be good.
Thats something you should try, instead of dismissing everything I say to quickly as rude, blunt etc etc.
The reasons I have are all reasons, they are not stupid blind answers that I just chose because I was too bored to even think about it.

Lastly. I DO always give good advice, sometimes I might be wrong about a few things but in the end my advice is always GOOD. I can't know everything but when I can pigeonhole my thoughts to help on specifics then I can help.

Other then that I'm over it. Queenie hasn't replied in awhile. I'll take it that this is sorted, and that shes proberly taken her course of action already.

Slayden

02-28-2008, 05:31 PM

I wont be baited over this.

Do you believe I am baiting you? No. If I was baiting you my goal would be propel the arguement further, exasperating it like snowball rolling downhill at a great velocity. I would adopt your method of communication, using the truth as a cudgel, adding an unnecessary sting for the sole purpose of getting you to reply again so that I may attack you again. No. This is not what I am doing.

I am stubborn. I do however ALWAYS try to see where you are comming from, did I not actually read that stupid astrology stuff you sent me? Eventually? Because I took your word that it would be interesting and I thought shit, if Slayden is interested it might be good. Thats something you should try, instead of dismissing everything I say to quickly as rude, blunt etc etc.

No, I had to piecemeal it to you, give you only 4 or 5 lines at a time, because when I first presented it to you, not 10 seconds passed before you claimed you read all the pages in its entirety, then labeled it all as "bullshit." Don't make false claims regarding your integrity, then reproach me to follow your example.

The reasons I have are all reasons, they are not stupid blind answers that I just chose because I was too bored to even think about it.

This is true for the most part. You usually do have a good reason to say what you say, but not always.

Lastly. I DO always give good advice, sometimes I might be wrong about a few things but in the end my advice is always GOOD. I can't know everything but when I can pigeonhole my thoughts to help on specifics then I can help.

If your counsel is always so impeccable, then why did you need help convincing your girlfriend to sleep with you?

Other then that I'm over it. Queenie hasn't replied in awhile. I'll take it that this is sorted, and that shes proberly taken her course of action already.

"This just hit a dead end"? "You'll take that this is sorted"? You take liberties that aren't yours to exercise. Agreed, this discussion is entirely off-topic, but that is beside the point. If I thought you were an ass, I wouldn't even have bothered bringing any of this up. I am thinking you can do better which is why I speak to you about it. If you refuse entirely, then fine, I'll hold my peace and not mention it again; my notions regarding you were misguided.