Ethical Conflicts about Sex before Marriage [Archive]

LightElf

02-23-2008, 08:16 AM

Hi people, um...I have a set of questions regarding having sex with your boy/girlfirend before marriage.

Eh..to give a little background info, I lived most of my life at home due to weak health and fragility, and so did not have much chances for socializing with people outside school.

But that lies a few years back, and now my health is quite fine and will soon be attending college to study Medicine. But around upper school when I first entered an international school (everything taught in English), and since I couldnt understand a word my grades across all subjects got affected and soon I got so discouraged from studying due to failing grades and became a delinquent.

But later due to heavy social discrimination (like who has better grades than someone) anger boiled up and I secluded myself from social events, supressed all trivial emotions that would get in the way, and spent all my time with books studying, so in the end I succeeded in getting an offer for a place in one of the best colleges across the world for Medicine, received lots of academic recognitions from school, and also feel recognized by my family, being the "heir" of our "clan" so to speak, since I am the eldest son.

But during that process, I lost some very important things: time, which I could've used to make some friends, and my ability to form bonds to other people in the first place.

I only realized this very late (I am graduating soon from high school), and realzied that the most prominent feelings I had supressed for so long threatening to erupt was my calling for the opposite sex (not in the physical sense, but emotionally, I wanted to love and be loved back by someone special to me).

Every time I felt attracted to someone, I forcefully supressed the feelings, thinking that pure physical attraction is not real love or affection, perhaps because of my strict upbringing. And so, I am currently trying to open myself up a bit, and would not hate having a romantic relationshiop with someone I like.

But when I hear other guys talking about their girlfriends at school (and here on this forum as well), very often they are already up to having a sexual realtionship with their partners.

Finally (thx for reading all this by the way), the question my mind keeps raising is if it is alright to even be in a sexual relationship with a partner before marriage. I never thought big of the physical aspects of love, and thought only lecherous pervets are up for it. My thoughts on sex so far was just for reproductive purposes, and that it'd be dirty and just wrong to give yourself into your instincts...but it seems not really to be so.

Can someone (both male and females, but would like to hear some honest remarks from females) help me reconcile my thoughts on this issue?
If I ever get a girlfriend and we grow very close to each other (seriously), would it be alright to go into a sexual relationship if both partners agree? I still feel some sort of rejection towards this, as imagining myself in such a relationship just makes me feel dirty and perverted.
I just feel the whole idea of giving up your virginity in a relationship you dont even know whether it will last to end up in marriage is wrong. Isnt it "right" to give your precious virginity to your wife/husband instead of going into it so prematurely? Since if you lose it once, you lose it for your life, and should you break up with your GF/BF and later marry someone and she/he finds out you're not a virgin, wouldnt the realtionship break up or something like that?

I'd like some advice to help clear my mind.

frenchyamato

02-23-2008, 08:41 AM

I think that you just ask yourself too much questions!!
I mean when you'll love and be loved you will want to have sex with your GF, I think it's an other way ro become even closer... and the fact that you maybe won't spend the rest of your lives together is not relly the point ( afterall ther're a lot of divorced couples nowaday ). And lose your virginity with someone you love is a good thing even if you won't end marrying it's not something dirty or perverted in my opinion !!
well all this is still hypotheticall for me since I'm still virgin (and never had a boyfriend either :escape:) but I really don't think sex before marriage is a bad thing.

daniel2

02-23-2008, 08:42 AM

Finally (thx for reading all this by the way), the question my mind keeps raising is if it is alright to even be in a sexual relationship with a partner before marriage?

ROFL Is that a real Question? Of coarse its fine to have sex before marriage! The only reason people sometimes don't is because:
A) They are religious.
B) They just don't want to.

If I ever get a girlfriend and we grow very close to each other (seriously), would it be alright to go into a sexual relationship if both partners agree?

Well duh.. if she wants you baaaad and you want her, then make love! Have sex, or whatever! But if its your first time, then you might want the really nice sensual approach to sex, i.e Love Making. Remember though that theres loads of foreplay involved before hand. Before asking what that is, read other threads. Like (How to give your woman 20+ Orgasms) etc. You cant just, "have sex" both people have to be in the mood, some way or another. But yes, if thats what you both want then nothing is stopping you.

I still feel some sort of rejection towards this, as imagining myself in such a relationship just makes me feel dirty and perverted.

No your wrong. People have sex for the feeling. Why else would they do it? It's for the feeling, and to become parents.

I just feel the whole idea of giving up your virginity in a relationship you don't even know whether it will last to end up in marriage is wrong.

Says who?

Isnt it "right" to give your precious virginity to your wife/husband instead of going into it so prematurely? Since if you lose it once, you lose it for your life, and should you break up with your GF/BF and later marry someone and she/he finds out you're not a virgin, wouldn't the relationship break up or something like that?

Nope honestly, it doesn't matter. As long as you don't think your first time was a big mistake. Or a huge waste. You don't need to be told much more else then what I have said, except for people to bolster the facts.

~ImI

Junior666

02-23-2008, 08:45 AM

hmmm, well, it's all up to you. If you don't feel comfortable being in a sexual relationship before marriage, then don't. It's no big deal. =)
Also, you're male, so being a virgin isn't a MUST for marriage. Men and women are treated differently when it comes to virginity. Kinda unfair...but whatever.

I personally, want to wait for marriage. I don't know if I actually will, but I'll try. Mostly because if I'm married, and my husband cheats, I can take all his money. I may have given him my everything, but at least I can take his shit when we divorce. With a boyfriend, I could've given him everything and if he cheated, I'd get nothing. I'd just feel used.

HUZZAH FOR DIVORCE LAWYERS. =)

daniel2

02-23-2008, 08:46 AM

Fucking Hell this is exactly why I said Marriage is a DOCUMENT that means the BITCH gets all your st00f!

xD

~ImI

Junior666

02-23-2008, 08:49 AM

XD Damnit. ImI, you're on to us! D:

And btw, nice reply. I think LightElf will find it useful.

daniel2

02-23-2008, 09:00 AM

Meh I'm here to help ~~<3

LightElf

02-23-2008, 09:07 AM

Well duh.. if she wants you baaaad and you want her, then make love! Have sex, or whatever!

I see...but from the set of Psychology and Human Behavior books I read, women do not think the same way towards sex than men. Apparently, women have more reserved thoughts about sex, and put love before physical desire (which I find right) and men on the other hand mostly "click" in to their physical desires first (which I tend not to, since it sounds just wrong).
So wouldnt "asking" for sex or whatever even if you love each other very much be a bit of a risk? She'd see you as a pervert...wouldnt she?

No your wrong. People have sex for the feeling. Why else would they do it? It's for the feeling, and to become parents.

I know from my Human Health and Physiology books that sex involves waves of internal "pleasureable" feelings of the body (never had it muself, so cant say otherwise), also known as orgasms, but having sex for the feeling...isnt that what perverts do??? (no offense to you, its just what I deducted).

Damn Im confused. lol

daniel2

02-23-2008, 09:17 AM

I see...but from the set of Psychology and Human Behavior books I read.....

Head out of your books, same with your cock.
This is LIFE you need to experience these things for yourself, take in what is in the books by all means. But don't treat it like its law or "you-have-to-abide-by-this".

Women do not think the same way towards sex than men.
Thats right! They get even hornier then us guys!

Apparently, women have more reserved thoughts about sex, and put love before physical desire (which I find right) and men on the other hand mostly "click" in to their physical desires first (which I tend not to, since it sounds just wrong).
So wouldn't "asking" for sex or whatever even if you love each other very much be a bit of a risk? She'd see you as a pervert...wouldn't she?

She'd see you as FRESH MEAT *Diablo Butcher Voice*
No mate she'd see you as cute and ready for sex. Besides how do you think sex happens? It happens when people decide they want to do it. Organising sex... is a bit silly. It's meant to be spontaneous. You should get to a point where you know you both want it but no one has to ask. As for your virginity you might need to talk about it with your virgin girlfriend as well. If shes not a virgin it wont make it really any different.. Unless it makes a difference for you.

I know from my Human Health and Physiology books.....

Didn't I say head out of those books now? Your a man!

Sex involves waves of internal "pleasureable" feelings of the body (never had it muself, so cant say otherwise), also known as orgasms, but having sex for the feeling...isnt that what perverts do??? (no offense to you, its just what I deducted).

We are all perverts my friend. Your on an ECCHI forums. ECCHI means "Pervert" welcome to the world. Girls LIKE perverts. It's only when your sleazy that they start to feel scared. Any girl is going to be interested in you if your interested in her "bits" As for Orgasms, why have sex at all if it doesn't feel good?
So your telling me you think sex is like an agreement between two people, for... what...? lmao??? You are confused you sure are!

frenchyamato

02-23-2008, 09:18 AM

stop thinking sooooo much!! when you find a gf just go with the flow!! and stop with you psychology books!! life isn't a book and all women don't think the same way!! just be yourself and try to understand her I think it's the most important...

Junior666

02-23-2008, 09:21 AM

Thats right! They get even hornier then us guys

Yes. That's true. I'll confirm it.

daniel2

02-23-2008, 09:24 AM

*points to the 20+ Orgasms thread*

Have fun /waves

LightElf

02-23-2008, 10:56 AM

We are all perverts my friend. Your on an ECCHI forums. ECCHI means "Pervert" welcome to the world. Girls LIKE perverts. It's only when your sleazy that they start to feel scared. Any girl is going to be interested in you if your interested in her "bits" As for Orgasms, why have sex at all if it doesn't feel good?
So your telling me you think sex is like an agreement between two people, for... what...? lmao??? You are confused you sure are!

Emm..I disagree to that. the definition of a "pervert" is "a person whose sexual behavior is not thought to be normal or acceptable by most people" (Oxford Advanced Learner;s dictionary."

And I stumbled onto this forum not to search for the so-called hentai (anime pornography), but cuz I was looking for some romance anime like Clannad (yes I like romance).

girls like perverts??? rlly??? But that doesnt make much sense cuz why would they like guys whose sexual behavior is inappropriate?

chimpzy

02-23-2008, 11:21 AM

Emm..I disagree to that. the definition of a "pervert" is "a person whose sexual behavior is not thought to be normal or acceptable by most people" (Oxford Advanced Learner;s dictionary."

And I stumbled onto this forum not to search for the so-called hentai (anime pornography), but cuz I was looking for some romance anime like Clannad (yes I like romance).

girls like perverts??? rlly??? But that doesnt make much sense cuz why would they like guys whose sexual behavior is inappropriate?If you were to go by what most people consider inappropriate (at least publicly), then just the act of having sex is already too much (even plain bland missionary, guy on top, lights out).

LightElf

02-23-2008, 01:56 PM

Well I am not saying that sex is inappropriate in itself (you need to have sex to have children and keep the human race alive for goodness sake, unless you use In-Vitro-Fertilization due to blocked oviducts or anything that prevents pregnancy), its just that sex before marriage, which is most of the time not intended for having children (i.e. done for the "feeling" only. I dont think anyone here who's had sex with his/her GF/BF did it to make children), and if according to ImI we're all perverts who have sex for the feeling of it, so people with inappropriate sexual behaviors according to definition, and girls like perverts, then it is logically deducable that all humans are lecherous perverts. In other words, we're all "dirty" minded and have sex that are not acceptable or considered inappropriate.

Which therefore in conclusion means that sex before marriage is inappropriate.......isnt it?

elusivefreedom

02-23-2008, 06:19 PM

^_^ you were brought up with an asian mindset!! (i'm not being racist or anything... i'm Asian myself =P)

up til high school, it was mostly a taboo for ANYONE to talk about sex before marriage. everyone's all "oh, i'll save myself for marriage" (but most of us say that cos that's what's socially acceptable... also due to the fear of being discriminated by others) [yeah... asians are pretty closed-minded bout sex before marriage. sheesh... even sex addicts claim that they're virgins to maintain good reps *rolls eyes*)

the question here is:
who says that sex before marriage is inappropriate?

religion only tells us not to do it cos:
1- when both sides are virgins, it's like... discovering the pleasures of sex together (that way... less women will have the need to have affairs & the guys have less to live up to)

2- there're no risks of unwanted pregnancies

and since asian societies are usually religious ; 1+1=2 (meaning religious ppl impose their religious beliefs on others and hence, there's the whole socially acceptable concept)

i believe, as long as you're well aware of what you're doing (even if it's pre-marital sex) with full knowledge of its consequences (meaning = use contraceptives!) and it keeps you happy and doesn't cause harm to others, it should be deemed appropriate, no?

comickitty

02-23-2008, 06:39 PM

Sex Should come naturally, if it feels right do it. Make sure he/she gets tested first though. Better safe than sorry :P

LightElf

02-23-2008, 06:46 PM

Slayden

02-23-2008, 07:00 PM

OMG..........

LightElf, I've been called "The Librarian" so much it stuck as a nickname, and I'm telling you now:

BURN YOUR BOOKS!

You are a case where you have TOO MUCH information, consequently, you are suffering from paralysis from analysis, a condition that regularly plagues the intelligent and/or overeducated (ImI and I for example). Let it go, go with the flow, and relax. Don't get nitpicky with the definition of words, the idea counts more.

And yes girls like perverts! Sleazy turns them off, but innuendo and perviness gets them all hot and gooey. They themselves have very dirty minds, even if they don't admit it or flat out deny it. I've asked perfectly sweet, innocent-looking girls to talk dirty to me and a string of trash pops out of their mouths so long and perverted it'll surprise even themselves.

daniel2

02-23-2008, 08:24 PM

Honestly listen to Slayden if your not going to listen to anyone else. Get rid of those books.
Books can only teach you a certain ammout of things. You need actually physical experience.

All I can say now because your being so biasst LightElf is that you should do what you feel at the time.

rising crescent

02-23-2008, 11:20 PM

And yes girls like perverts! Sleazy turns them off, but innuendo and perviness gets them all hot and gooey. They themselves have very dirty minds, even if they don't admit it or flat out deny it. I've asked perfectly sweet, innocent-looking girls to talk dirty to me and a string of trash pops out of their mouths so long and perverted it'll surprise even themselves.

but,not all girls like pervert.
most girl need true love from heart,

Slayden

02-24-2008, 02:08 AM

but,not all girls like pervert.
most girl need true love from heart,

EVERYONE has a perverted streak, it just depends on how expressive they are about it. It is only the stubborn, religiously/morally dogmatic, or those too caught up in their own illusioned sense of "honor" that suppress it to a ridiculous degree. And these people are very rare in the world.

ALL girls like perverts, with very very few exceptions. Most girls want both love and a high sense of sexuality, and those that remain just want the sex. Only those that know little about women state that love is the only thing that matters to women. Don't underestimate the sexual vitality of a woman.

Women are more sensual. Men are more sexual. Both refer to intercourse and a state of mind, but merely have different routes of attaining and expressing the exact same thing. Here is some very simple yet effective advice: if a man wants to become a better lover, he needs to be more sensual, and if a woman wants to become a better lover, she need to be more sexual.

vengeance

02-24-2008, 03:19 AM

daniel2

02-24-2008, 04:19 AM

No. A man slut refers to a male whore who fucks loads of women. This wont make you look good to the girls and it'll proberly make your male friends hate you as well for screwing all the competition.

I think you were referring to It's more of a good thing to go around being an intelligent pervert.

LightElf

02-24-2008, 04:21 AM

EVERYONE has a perverted streak, it just depends on how expressive they are about it. It is only the stubborn, religiously/morally dogmatic, or those too caught up in their own illusioned sense of "honor" that suppress it to a ridiculous degree. And these people are very rare in the world.

ALL girls like perverts, with very very few exceptions. Most girls want both love and a high sense of sexuality, and those that remain just want the sex. Only those that know little about women state that love is the only thing that matters to women. Don't underestimate the sexual vitality of a woman.

Women are more sensual. Men are more sexual. Both refer to intercourse and a state of mind, but merely have different routes of attaining and expressing the exact same thing. Here is some very simple yet effective advice: if a man wants to become a better lover, he needs to be more sensual, and if a woman wants to become a better lover, she need to be more sexual.

I guess its just a matter of opinion. Maybe because of we've been brought up differently? Who knows.

I've never been in a realtionship nor had harbored any such thoughts before really, so I had no other way of comprehending the situation other than from books.

It'd be a lie to say that I NEVER felt any sort of pure physical attraction towards the other sex (I mean I also got testesterone and all those other hormones flowing through my system at age 17), but I just kinda feel that the degree of forming emotional bonds in love is much greater or more important in me than pure physical love, and should sex before marriage happen and I later end up marrying with someone else, I'd just feel a teeny bit guilty or even sorry for her...cuz seen from her shoes she may not like the fact that I had such a relationship with someone else in my past...just what I feel.

daniel2

02-24-2008, 04:26 AM

I guess its just a matter of opinion. Maybe because of we've been brought up differently? Who knows.

I've never been in a relationship nor had harbored any such thoughts before really, so I had no other way of comprehending the situation other than from books.

Maybe it would be best if you stopped right there and did not continue. Simply because you have not been in a relationship yet your speaking not even on speculation. So its better instead of making-up-things-as-you-go-along you should take in what others around you are telling you for once.

Also. Do yourself a favor and never read books on females ever again. Not even DOLLY mag.

LightElf

02-24-2008, 04:36 AM

Maybe it would be best if you stopped right there and did not continue. Simply because you have not been in a relationship yet your speaking not even on speculation. So its better instead of making-up-things-as-you-go-along you should take in what others around you are telling you for once.

Also. Do yourself a favor and never read books on females ever again. Not even DOLLY mag.

I guess I should...but I never approached a girl before , so I dont know...well hope it somehow works out later in life.

daniel2

02-24-2008, 06:04 AM

It will. Have confidence.

Slayden

02-24-2008, 07:51 PM

Here's how you get a girl's phone number in 5 minutes:
[Only registered and activated users can see links]

krnxknight

02-25-2008, 10:13 AM

I guess different people just have different beliefs...but what if the GF wants to go into sexual relationships with such a BF? Now that would be a problem...

But I see your point...maybe I was being a bit selfish thinking my views were right only.

Nah, not selfish. i'm going by US society for my argument btw.

sex before marriage isn't as taboo as it was 50 years ago, mostly with the advances in birth control. meaninglessinfo.org says that 80% of ppl 13-18 had sex before marriage. 130% of all statistics are skewed and meaningless but it's pretty safe to say that in modern society 73% of all marriages within the past 10 years were not between virgins.

go out, take the initiative, approach that cute librarian girl who ignored your book fines and have yourself some fun.

toadvine

02-25-2008, 10:30 AM

While I'm not going to be as bombastic as Imi in my post; I really don't see a good reason not to. Our bodies have conveniently incorperated into them a truly excellent way of making yourself feel good while making someone close to you feel great as well - aside from religious restrictions against it, I can't picture why you wouldn't make use of it.

You've mentioned how girls feel differently about sex than guys do - this is true. That does not, however, imply they don't want it. We've all got the same genetic imperative to reproduce, and sex happens to be the simplest, most enjoyable way of doing so. I used to think like you, and it took a fairly shocking event (an ex-girlfriend cheated on me because we weren't doing it enough... something she could have easily let me know and I would have been GLAD to fix it, but that's in the past :P) before I realized it isn't the case.

In terms of being viewed as a pervert... perversion is, by definition, deviation for the accepted norm. Even you admit that it is pretty normal for people to be having sex, so how can it be perverted? ;)

Of course, I might just be justifying my own lifestyle of sex, drugs and rock'n'roll, but those are still my thoughts on the subject.

starfire

02-25-2008, 09:31 PM

Lots of good arguments and tips here, so I'll limit myself to some thigns tha haven't been said.

First of all, and this is about life in general; your plans, and what you think you'd do in a given situation are utterly meaningless until you're actually in that situation. In other words: the only way to learn how to live life is to live it. For example, most people have some image of who their ideal mate would be, however, very few people end up with somebody that fits that image. The start dating somebody, not sure how it'll work out, and end up spending the rest of their lives together.

Secondly, the reason most religions are against sex before marriage is because after sex, humans are biologically programmed to form an emotional attachment and after sex (if not before and during). This attachment also includes some expectations (again, biologically programmed): namely that your partner is YOUR partner and nobody else's. Because of this, trivial sex, or so-called "one night stands" cause a certain amount of emotional/psychological trauma.

On the other hand, THAT trauma is actually less painful than having a long-term (several months) relationship end, which is a rather common occurrence in modern society. That's why the old 'sex before marriage' thing is a fading ideal.

pickles88

02-27-2008, 01:02 PM

If you spent times getting those friends instead of studying you may regret it because getting into such good school is no joke and believe me i partially understand your situation because i have felt that way too. Most likely those friends you made will leave. Like the saying friends comes and goes... Its never too late to make friends and learn a whole new aspect of social life. try and get some friends, if your lucky they can help you build those confidence back and get you back into social cycle. As you meet more people you will meet girls too and you can start to think about what to do next from then on...

Kenadian

02-27-2008, 03:28 PM

Ethical conflicts? What ethical conflicts?: >__>

daniel2

02-27-2008, 09:27 PM

Ethical conflicts? What ethical conflicts?: >__>

Please don't be stupid. Read the thread.

tmmyjames

02-29-2008, 04:38 AM

I haven't heard anyone talk about sex before marriage. Now, this would be uncommon to be becasue now kids are freaky deaky and will get into it right away.

garoto_BH20

02-29-2008, 05:14 PM

My friend, do not have sex before marriage. It is not something you must do. Many will tell you that it is "a must-do-thing", but don't fall for their words.
Watch this: [Only registered and activated users can see links]
Watch this video and you will see a person defending virginity.
Well, I believe you should keep it. I keep mine! ^_^
And be happy. God bless you.

daniel2

02-29-2008, 05:59 PM

Well I think sex before marriage is fine, no ones kids get teased and bullied for being 'bastards' anymore. So go for it!

toadvine

02-29-2008, 08:30 PM

garoto... no one here is saying it's morally wrong to want to stay a virgin, just that (the general consensus seems to be) it's not morally wrong to lose your virginity either, if you so desire to, feel ready to do so and do it with the consent of your partner. If you want to say "don't do it, [insert deity of choice here] doesn't want you to," then please do; religion is a valid set of ethics and ethics are the subject here.

(As an addendum... to the scruffy old dude in that video: yeah, sex doesn't feel good as a pre-payment in case you (or the ladies involved, if any) get birth pains later. It feels good because the species would die off REALLY fast if it didn't.):monk:

trandraskell

06-25-2008, 09:46 PM

Okay I am going to do something I usally don't dude. I am going to tell you to hold off. Take care of yourself first. Learn about yourself get yourself a college education and a good job. Then worry about finding a girlfriend. Take this from someone who is alittle older the most here. I am 33 and I had sex before I got married and I will tell you this my ex-wife was a virgin and it was something that was we fought about. She held that against me until we were married. She did not trust me. The biggest issue about not having sex before married is the risk of having a kid out side of marriage, and oh by the way the person that said no one says anything about bastard children anymore. I am one myself and I have had to fight against everyday of my life from my own family so how about know what you are talking about first. So I am going to tell you to think about youself then you will get the skills in finding a mate.

KyorFish

06-30-2008, 08:40 PM

Well kid bottom line here is WHO CARES what anyone els THINKS. All that matters is what you believe is right. not your friends not us nor your parents for that mater. if you want to have sex before marriage then thats ok nothing wrong with that. and if you want to wait thats fine to.

daniel2

07-01-2008, 01:46 AM

Well kid bottom line here is WHO CARES what anyone else THINKS.

Nuff said.

Andariel

07-01-2008, 04:21 PM

In German for You^^

Hey ich sags mal so, ethisch moralisch religiöse Grundkonzepte sind ja schön und gut, aber die meisten gehören in eine Zeit die längst vergangen ist und du solltest dir deine eigenen Regeln aufstellen, das was du für richtig hälst und natürlich im Rahmen des Gesetztes ist^^
Aber Sex vor der Ehe? Was soll daran falsch sein?
Gut ok ich hab kein Blassen wo genau du her bist, aber bei uns im Osten ist das wahrscheinlich eh ein wenig lockerer da es ja in der DDR nicht so gestattete offentliche Religionsfreiheit gab. Deswegen sind einige überholte Sachen ziemlich shcnell verschwunden.
Sex ist nichts böses und schon gar nichts schlimmes, wenn du jemanden hast den du über alles liebst dann zeig ihr das und Sex kann dabei eine sehr schöe ausdrucksweise sein. Kommt immer auf das Wie an ;)

Ich wünsch dir viel Spaß dabei^^

Sorry you all but have much to say =P

LightElf

07-01-2008, 04:58 PM

Naja, dein Argument versteh ich. Ist mir ja egal was andere denken. Aber das wovor ich etwas Angst hab ist die Gedanke, dass einer schon vor der Ehe "violated" wurde. Wenn ich jetz zum beispiel heirate, und jemand anders schon in ihr in der Vergangenheit rumgemacht hat, wuerde ich mich ehrlich net wohl fuehlen. Vielleicht ist Sex vor der Ehe in sich selbst ist nix schlimmes wie viele sagen, aber die Gedanke dass meine potenzielle Ehefrau...naja nicht "rein" ist, macht mir etwas Angst :hot:.

English translation for non-German speakers:

I understand all your arguments. Yeah, I wouldnt care, like someone said, what others think about it as long as I am fine with it. But what I am concerned about is the thought that someone was already "violated" before marriage. Honestly, regardless of what you all might think of this now, if I should marry now lets say, and someone (or someones) had already been inside my potential wife, I really wouldnt feel comfortable. Maybe sex before marriage in itself may not be bad as along as you stay with that person, but the thought that someone I'd marry is not "clean" lets say, does give me some goosebumps.:sob:

Andariel

07-02-2008, 06:20 AM

in welchem Sinne nicht rein?
Ist das nicht etwas sehr verdrehte Ansicht?^^
Wenn man sich auslebt hat das doch nichts mit "befleckung" zu tuen

In which Sense not clean?
Isn't this a bit strange kind of Viewing?^^
In which way is it a maculation when you live your self out.

LightElf

07-02-2008, 06:36 AM

Hab nix gegen sich das Leben zu geniessen und auszuleben wie du sagtest...und Sex kann ja, wie jemand schon vorher sagte, Zeichen der Liebe und Zuneigung sein, was die Verbindung zu deiner Partner/in staerkt...aber ich finde trotzdem halt dass dieser Schritt erst nach der Heirat kommt. Rein hypothetisch jetzt, wenn du jetzt heiratest und deine Frau schon in der Vergangenheit so mit 20 Maennern rumgefuchtelt hat...wuerdest du dich wohl fuehlen? Ich ehrlich gesagt nicht.^^

I got nothing against enjoying and living out your life as you said...and sex can be, like someone said before, a sign of love and affection, which could strengthen your bond towards your partner...but I still find that this step comes after marriage. Purely hypothetically now, if you now get married and your wife had in the past done it with like 20 men before...would you feel alright? I honestly would not.^^

Andariel

07-02-2008, 11:30 AM

Klar ich profitiere ja dann von ihrer Erfahrung mit Männern.
Bringt nur nen Lustgewin.
Also man kanns ja mal von der Seite sehen^^
BTW wenn das so schlimm ist, was ist dann mit deiner Unschuld?

Its better for you that you. You get more joy from sex, because she got more experiences in Sex. Just take a look from this site.
BTW whats about your innocence?

LightElf

07-02-2008, 01:12 PM

Naja das selbe geht dann auch fuer mich. Ich will auch kein "unsauberer" Partner sein. Vielleicht kann mans von der Seite sehen so mit mehr Erfahrung...aber Erfahrung fuers Sex finde ich nicht unbedingt noetig. Wenn man sich liebt ist es doch egal wie viel Erfahrung der Partner hat oder nicht. Fuer mich waere es eher besser wenn beide Anfaenger sind und zusammen Erfahrung in der Ehe sammeln.

Well the same goes for me as well. I dont want to be a "unpure" partner for my future wife. Maybe you could see it from the POV that one may have more experience...but I dont think prior experience is neccessary. If you love each other it doesnt matter whether you have no experience at all. For me it would be better if both were beginners and together gain experience in marriage.

PaulRotterdam

07-02-2008, 04:40 PM

Well the same goes for me as well. I dont want to be a "unpure" partner for my future wife. Maybe you could see it from the POV that one may have more experience...but I dont think prior experience is neccessary. If you love each other it doesnt matter whether you have no experience at all. For me it would be better if both were beginners and together gain experience in marriage.

I have read this thread, it was an old one recently bumped again and good that ist bumped i think.

For beeing a medical student or soon to be one there are some things to say for you i think. During youre study one day you are going to be talked and stripped naked -questionwise than- about youre life and how youre feelings are and what you think and so on and i forsee some problems beeing in a medical environment if you keep twisting youre mind and put youre own problems into the hands of well-or-not virgin to be wife.

Sorry ill need to be rude to push myself through youre mentall wall that exists so to see - read in youre posts...

In youre first post you wrote that you had not perfect youth as a child, beeing sick a lot and living in another country not speaking / writing good the language so what you wrote you flunked in school. Probably youre father has an abroughd job in a foreign country and you are in the local school instead in a international school were they teach in youre native language.
Oke. you fought against that by anger apparanty and shame probably and succeeded in speaking foreigh language and succeeded school theire.

But you got twisted somehow towards girls somehow in youre mind and my feeling is that you reflect youre own may be not all positive yought and grown up into youre to become wife.
A mothercomplex you'll learn later and mirrorcasting youre own problems on someone else so you can feel better or just get along with life. Quite common under people so not a big problem as long as you still try to think on it from time to time.

Take care to not fall to much into weirdness in saying and thincking and Acting! on issues like you write:

quote:
Yeah, I wouldnt care, like someone said, what others think about it as long as I am fine with it.
unquote.

Here you put yourself into Godmode and above any law also.
*I am even holding in here*

same her in next sentence:
But what I am concerned about is the thought that someone was already "violated" before marriage. Honestly, regardless of what you all might think of this now

Again Godmode and also the thing that the girl was violated in youre mind.....try to think that she was thinking to marrie that guy before she met you, she out of love for that man before you had sex with him but later on she found out that the relation wasn't to be.

Ow lucky you that there is no penis marks (exept masturbating marks) shown on youre dick so she can not claim that you had sex before with others an you want that option well in her place, you'll need virginity.
argh.
Good luck girls have all kinda other ways to get very lucky in sex behavier before marriage and still have theire verginity and also thanks that so much girls have normal live and do not fulfill these virgin things.

To bad nature didn't resolve this item so these virgin-claims would not be an issue.

Anyway, please take care of youre mental health like an other poster wrote: trandraskell
Learn youre education, enjoy youre young life, get drunk sometimes, get an experienced lady and learn from here, be a good medical student and try to avoid putting youre own miserie in life (more to come, believe me) into the virginity claims and get rid of the Godmode please.

If one loves the other one there is no question on virginity.

Greetings,
Paul