how to do this talk...

[kiziroglu]

So, here is the situation...
last year, I was asked out by this exchange student, from italy... things are going pretty good, she converted to islam as well, which is GREAT, now that we share the same religion.

random fact about me:
when talking to people whom I like, I get sarcastic and sometimes this might seem a little too much, only because of the fact that I'm trying to be myself...

I've got some principles, one of which is; my family comes first, then school, and then my girlfriend...

so, when she wants to go to a movie, when my ass is glued to the chair, studying for days, I'm sorry but I gotta say no... I do need to be able to build a future for my kids. I don't care whether this dating period is romantic or not... studying gotta be done...

it wouldn't be a big deal if all the studying I did was about school, but I also go to crapload of other courses, which I cannot give up.
so, the number of times I have to reject her is increasing, and she sounds so not happy about it... I'd like to be spending more time with her, as much as she does... But that's just not possible for a few more years...

I really lover her, we even got our parents arrange the "promise rings", we'll be getting engaged by the next year, and married by 2010...

I just want to make sure that she'll stay the way she is, and not give up on me...
so, I'm thinking about a talk, on the issue, but I have doubts about that it might lead the relationship to an end, by she just coming up with a stupid idea and deciding to call it off... you never know what goes through women's mind...

So, I need you guys to encourage me into doing the talk, and give some strategies to present the ideas smoothly...

I'd like it if ladies helped me with it, since boys will be only talking about the facts which they "observed". I want to learn the thoughts of a lady, and the way a lady would take it, not a boy...

[daniel2]

No girl can 'stay the way she is'

I think your only option if you MUST keep those preferences in that order is that you organize her to spend time with you while you study. Though you say that you do courses and all that which means she wouldn't be able to participate. Females aren't very patient when it comes to wanting attention from a guy (honestly girls I don't mean that offensively). You need to show this girl what is more important. Your schooling or her.
If It's not going to work out then let her fall and then get a girlfriend or go back to her after your schooling is finished. In my life schooling was always the last thing on my mind, I'm not an idiot however I did really well at school apart from all the bullying, which is why females were always my first preference, everything else was second best. Which is why I did so much better then anyone else with the ladies. I wagged school to be with them, showered them in love, went out of my way to be romantic etc etc.

You need to rearrange your preferences. Those courses sound bad. I'm joining the army and I'm going to have almost no time to do anything so when I come back is when I'm going to have all the fun I can.

I cant expect my girlfriend to stay with me when I'm gone for 8 months.

Lastly these promise rings. Don't your dare think that once you both have them shes not inclined to change her mind because you suddenly have a green light to study study study meaning the promise ring is a "No I will not break up with you because you show me no attention". Promise ring or not, shes on the border of losing interest in you.

I think I should say one more thing. I have no idea what your religion entails so I don't know about what I'm about to say. Maybe you should get her alone and give her a few orgasms or just spoil the fuck out of her sexually, if your any good she'll love it and she'll know how much you love her. This can buy you some time to go study and all that. Even if you suck it'll still be a bonding experience.

~ImI

[Silmeria]

lol......you want her away from you? no? then start going out...she doesnt care what you are doing if studying or w/e she cares about quality time of the two of you togheter move your "needs" a little bit family > GF > w/e left.......stop thinking THAT far away in the future or you will lose her...but dont give her to much attention it tends to anoy your love one 2 outs a week to see a movie or or do something with her ALL day should do it....and talk to her about your situation.

[kiziroglu]

"shower them in love" :) wow, nice words dude...
No girl can 'stay the way she is'
I think your only option if you MUST keep those preferences in that order is that you organize her to spend time with you while you study. Though you say that you do courses and all that which means she wouldn't be able to participate. Females aren't very patient when it comes to wanting attention from a guy (honestly girls I don't mean that offensively). You need to show this girl what is more important. Your schooling or her.

oh boy...
people always say that... tell me that my girl should be more important to me thatn my school and researches...
let me tell you how things go on in my parents' home... because my father couldn't choose between his priorities, now he can't spend much time with the things he love most, his kids, and my mother; since he has to work all day long, trying to provide for us... On the same exact age with me, he went after girls, now he regrets it...
Tell you what, this is not a choice between loving my carrier or her... I do love her the most, therefore I study, that's what needs to be done, my priorities are set...
and it's not about studying for a simple diploma, I'm leading a kick-ass project. if it succeeds, the world of robotics is gonna change... :) it really will :)



I cant expect my girlfriend to stay with me when I'm gone for 8 months.

Lastly these promise rings. Don't your dare think that once you both have them shes not inclined to change her mind because you suddenly have a green light to study study study meaning the promise ring is a "No I will not break up with you because you show me no attention". Promise ring or not, shes on the border of losing interest in you.



well, I can wait that long , and I expect the same patience from her. It's not like devil is bbloody chasing us, is it.

and it was her idea, to have these rings, so they would always remind us that what ever we'r doing, we do it for each other.



I think I should say one more thing. I have no idea what your religion entails so I don't know about what I'm about to say. Maybe you should get her alone and give her a few orgasms or just spoil the fuck out of her sexually, if your any good she'll love it and she'll know how much you love her. This can buy you some time to go study and all that. Even if you suck it'll still be a bonding experience.



since it's a girl whom I plan my future with, religion doesn't contradict with what you're saying... but I do...
we're no kids anymore, maybe we're not thatt old but it's time we get mature already... I'm not gonna do anything at all, to buy time... my sexual activities are no representations of my love to her. they're just bloody physical needs of human beings... a mature sould should be able to surpress them when needed. that's how it is, and it should be.


am I being a jerk :) ? well I can't get the image of her out of my mind, which whips me to study more and more... nobody will provide me a future, other than myself...
this isn't a discussion of arrangement of my priorities...

all I need is some tips, to do a talk without hurting anybody...

[Silmeria]

"shower them in love" :) wow, nice words dude...

oh boy...
people always say that... tell me that my girl should be more important to me thatn my school and researches...
let me tell you how things go on in my parents' home... because my father couldn't choose between his priorities, now he can't spend much time with the things he love most, his kids, and my mother; since he has to work all day long, trying to provide for us... On the same exact age with me, he went after girls, now he regrets it...
Tell you what, this is not a choice between loving my carrier or her... I do love her the most, therefore I study, that's what needs to be done, my priorities are set...
and it's not about studying for a simple diploma, I'm leading a kick-ass project. if it succeeds, the world of robotics is gonna change... :) it really will :)



well, I can wait that long , and I expect the same patience from her. It's not like devil is bbloody chasing us, is it.

and it was her idea, to have these rings, so they would always remind us that what ever we'r doing, we do it for each other.



since it's a girl whom I plan my future with, religion doesn't contradict with what you're saying... but I do...
we're no kids anymore, maybe we're not thatt old but it's time we get mature already... I'm not gonna do anything at all, to buy time... my sexual activities are no representations of my love to her. they're just bloody physical needs of human beings... a mature sould should be able to surpress them when needed. that's how it is, and it should be.


am I being a jerk :) ? well I can't get the image of her out of my mind, which whips me to study more and more... nobody will provide me a future, other than myself...
this isn't a discussion of arrangement of my priorities...

all I need is some tips, to do a talk without hurting anybody...
I will put it simple, she wil wait you for you if you have give her enough love to her and give a free time to her....wich by the looks of it...you havent give her none...no one is going to give a future thats for sure but thats not a reason to over do it AND private yourself from having fun times....at this rate you wont hold long you both are a adults yes but you seems a little selfish.....wanting to make your future alone...mark my words keep like that and she will be going away slowly that you wont even notice until you lose her.

[kiziroglu]

you got me wrong...
when I said that I won't do anything to buy time, I meant doing things that're only meant to buy time... I mean none of my actions will be done to buy time...

and this "giving love " thing, I never understand...
love isn't something you "give", it's something you "have", which can generally be seen in your attitudes and words...any one who observes my actions would see that I love her, and my words with her will exhibit it... It's not like I'm alienating myself from her, telling her to be deepfreezed for a few years, until I got back to her... I spend time with her as much as I can... we go to movies (she likes them) frequently, I don't like talking on the phone a lot, so we walk around the campus every night. we go to sports together (I'm her capoeira trainer), lots of more which I can't name at the moment... it just, sometimes seem that she wants more , which I can't give her...
so a talk must be done, and I'm asking for few tips to do that talk... a few tips so that my words won't hurt (they usually do :) )

*edit*
and please, I'm not asking for analysiz of my relationship... I don't need that.. I've done that talk will zilllions of people, and none of them made a slight degree of change.
all I want is few tips and may be a guideline which I'll use during the talk I'll make with her (I invited her home, to my hometown, to pass the semester holiday together, so she'll be here like in 1-2 days, which means that the talk will be done soon... very soon...)

[daniel2]

Yeah dude remember she can help you provide for your future. It doesn't have to be a 1 man job. Just spoil the chick every so often.

[Silmeria]

you got me wrong...
when I said that I won't do anything to buy time, I meant doing things that're only meant to buy time... I mean none of my actions will be done to buy time...

and this "giving love " thing, I never understand...
love isn't something you "give", it's something you "have", which can generally be seen in your attitudes and words...any one who observes my actions would see that I love her, and my words with her will exhibit it... It's not like I'm alienating myself from her, telling her to be deepfreezed for a few years, until I got back to her... I spend time with her as much as I can... we go to movies (she likes them) frequently, I don't like talking on the phone a lot, so we walk around the campus every night. we go to sports together (I'm her capoeira trainer), lots of more which I can't name at the moment... it just, sometimes seem that she wants more , which I can't give her...
so a talk must be done, and I'm asking for few tips to do that talk... a few tips so that my words won't hurt (they usually do :) )

*edit*
and please, I'm not asking for analysiz of my relationship... I don't need that.. I've done that talk will zilllions of people, and none of them made a slight degree of change.
all I want is few tips and may be a guideline which I'll use during the talk I'll make with her (I invited her home, to my hometown, to pass the semester holiday together, so she'll be here like in 1-2 days, which means that the talk will be done soon... very soon...)
you feel the love for someone and you give it to that person...if those feelings reach that person she anwsers the same way, if yu are in love you want to give a lot of time to that person even sometimes break the rules for that person, but sometimes breaking rules will have its reaction back, you are telling us to tell you how to tell to a girl "baby, you know i cant give you enough time wait for me years/months and dont fall in love and keep your feelings the same for me without giving you my feelings because i am to BUSY making my life on school and proffession"

even if you dont want a review of your relationship and you dont change....if you dont want oppinions dont post on a freeking forum -,-
i dont know about others but this actually happened to me and wast because of studys was because of my own stupidity..dont let her go.....but if you still want a tip:

you have 3 options:

a)break up
b)tell her you need time to make your life (wich you are selfish on it but w/e)
c)put more attention to her and stop beign so mr study boy

so bassically the tip you want is option B
you can start as "baby, i think i need time to finish my studys so i can focus on you fully after(wich i doubt happen because of the type of person you are you will be a sheep of work just like you are for your studies) migth as well think on our marriage in these 2-3 years.

also if she waits for you you got a hell of a woman(good partner).
PS.- i am sure she joined your religion BECAUSE of beign with you more.

[daniel2]

so basically the tip you want is option B
you can start as "baby, i think i need time to finish my studies so i can focus on you fully after (which i doubt happen because of the type of person you are you will be a sheep of work just like you are for your studies) might as well think on our marriage in these 2-3 years.

also if she waits for you you got a hell of a woman(good partner).
PS.- i am sure she joined your religion BECAUSE of begin with you more.

My point exactly. Throw away your damn glasses and give the girl some lovvin. Show her you care about her, or back to your books. :cowboy:

[kiziroglu]

whatever...
she'll be here in hours. I'll do the talking 1-2 days later. I got it all figured out, she'll understand it... you'll see...
and by the way, if you put the words correctly, you'll see that my sentences actually make sense... I study, because I CARE about her. And I know that for OUR future, (in CS , work conditions are very good, so there's no being "sheep of work" like you're saying... I 'm studying now, in order to be able to spare enough time with my future FAMILY, I'm not gonna be going after any dream... I did that once, so , now I have to study twice as more, to get a few more scholarships... ) this project of mine must be done, I need my courses completed, and that friggin diploma earned... She's a girl with a brain in her skull. She'll understand...

anyway, uhm... thanks for your support :)

*edit*

I don't wear glasses :)
I don't study on books, it's all coding stuff...
... I'll let you know about how things went ...

[daniel2]

Don't take what we say too harshly. Also know even when you think you have girls sussed they can reaaaaallllyy change quickly, so just be prepared if the 'conversation' doesn't go 'as planned'.

[kiziroglu]

So, I've said that I2ll come back with the results, and I did...

I knew she'd understood; as a matter o ffact , she has understood way earlier :) ...
right after I mentioned the issue, she went "Oh..."
and went on saying "I know... you bet I do know all about that...
look, it's not any ordinary relationship I'm looking for... Why would I go for you... if I was..."
and then the rest is private :)
thanks for your help guys :) problem solved...

[Silmeria]

So, I've said that I2ll come back with the results, and I did...

I knew she'd understood; as a matter o ffact , she has understood way earlier :) ...
right after I mentioned the issue, she went "Oh..."
and went on saying "I know... you bet I do know all about that...
look, it's not any ordinary relationship I'm looking for... Why would I go for you... if I was..."
and then the rest is private :)
thanks for your help guys :) problem solved...
is not the understanding what it matters is how much she can hold beign lonely.

[Queenie]

hmm..~ I hope this problem for u doesn't happen again :D! Just try to change ur way of life sometimes ~ or it'll always cause u problems in the end :em001:

[daniel2]

Shes going to get lonely one way or another.
I think she just told you that its basically over. But in a nice way.
I think your misunderstanding her.

[Silmeria]

Shes going to get lonely one way or another.
I think she just told you that its basically over. But in a nice way.
I think your misunderstanding her.

nah some persons know how to bassically wait.......but 3 years that a lot......

[daniel2]

Hmmm I don't know really. I think its too long, it sounds over. Sounds like my relationship.

[kiziroglu]

nah some persons know how to bassically wait.......but 3 years that a lot......
3...
who mentioned 3?
I'll be engaged and living together with her, in 10~11 months.
Married, in 23 months...
what we're talking about is only 1 year! 11 months, exactly.
You don't think we'll be both engaged, and living seperate, do you ?

and, well you can interpret those few lines in anyway you can. but the talk was way longer, way much longer. and I just put in these few lines for you, which I thought would be enough to present the situation. Guess it was not...

[Silmeria]

3...
who mentioned 3?
I'll be engaged and living together with her, in 10~11 months.
Married, in 23 months...
what we're talking about is only 1 year! 11 months, exactly.
You don't think we'll be both engaged, and living seperate, do you ?

and, well you can interpret those few lines in anyway you can. but the talk was way longer, way much longer. and I just put in these few lines for you, which I thought would be enough to present the situation. Guess it was not...
no need to, i thought you said you wanted to finish school.
also

I really lover her, we even got our parents arrange the "promise rings", we'll be getting engaged by the next year, and married by 2010...
2 years my bad

[daniel2]

No matter. I hope everything works out for you two. Just show her the respect she deserves and remember to spoil the shit out of her.