fear of *cough* penetrat...

[doesthislookinfected]

-- ok this is a little embarasing to ask.. well.. REALLY embarasing-- i cna't belive i'm asking this.. but hey.. idk who else i could ask.. since this kinna things.. are embarasing to say...- please .. nobody quote my post ;-; cuz i might delete it later

well i'm a 19 yo girl-- and i have this little problem..-
i was raped when i was a little girl and sexually assaulted- and not many year ago.. it happened again--- yeah it hurted like hell and yeah it left me.. some psycological problems
besides last year i was sexually assaulted .. again--

yeah luck is not by my side
i guess those kinna things are partly.. the reason why i'm depressed and almost kill myself in 2006

when i was little i was afraid of guys.. during that time i noticed that i liked girls too, i liked being with them and they weren't scary- .. [and you know.. sex with them doesn't hurt, ]

-- the thing is that i'm afraid of penetration

one of my last bfs even asked me if i was lesbian, not only bisexual-- cuz yeah..-- i always said "no" when he asked for sex-- tho we did other things.. we never go to penetration cuz i was scared--

then i had another guy.. i was drunk-- and well--then i reacted cuz.. when we were almost there .. it hurted like hell and then i started to yell lol..

now i'm in a currect relation.. we have been together for 4 months--
and well he knows a little of my past.. and he said he understand and will respect me and stuffs.. blablabla-

so i'm afraid.. he might-- get bored of me.. and won't ever "do it" cuz of my fear
i wish i wasn't this afraid--- but hey i have my reason.. but idk how to.. idk.. not being this afraid--

.. sometimes i wish i were lesbian lol.. not bi
but damn.. i happen to fall for a boy this time

--
so any words to less my fears are welcome

ps i know i'm bad spelling XP

[ElderKain]

Either Take it like a Woman, or become a Spinster...
Live a life full of love, or become a Spinster...
Have a family, or become a Spinster...

ur choice.
My dad was friends with a lady, who whas abused when she was younger, and now she has what's known as Clamp Syndrome...
Nothing can go in, and if it does... I'd feel sorry for the object, lol...
If it was a guy, they would either go to hospital for seleration while still being attached >.< or it would cut it off...

Don't let that happen...

:monk: :monk: :monk: :monk: :monk:

[krnxknight]

be ready for a long response to this.

you developed an aversion to penetration because of the past events. any therapist will tell you this. they will continue to tell you that the only way to break your aversion is to expose yourself to it.

this is true.

when a person goes through a psychological trauma such as an accident or assault, there is typically one thing during that event that the victim attaches all the fear from the event to.
in your case, it's penetration.

I was in an accident a few years back. in my case, it was little honda civics. After I got out of the hospital, i could drive any car fine with no adverse effects. However, when presented with the sight of a little red honda, i could barely stand. My brain had wired it so that when i saw a little red honda, i would think that i was about to be hit by a truck again. however, the longer i was around that little red honda without the event of being hit by a truck happening, the easier it was to be near it. now i can drive em fine, just takes some time. exposure to the "cause(little red honda)" without the "effect(crash)" will eventually make it so the cause no longer leads to that effect.

that being said, in your case, exposure to penetration without the assault will eventually make it so you have have sex that way without reacting as such.

i suggest starting with a vibrator because you have total control over it. if you can already use vibrators normally, i suggest doing so with your boyfriend present (assuming that you do want to have sex with him in the future). that way you can have the penetration by vibrator with another human presence there. get used to that and eventually he might be able to start. this does hinge on the fact that he can be patient.

and so ends my comprehensive guide to behavioral psychology as a means of therapy. for a more detailed and professional sounding (but basically the same) guide, you will have to enlist a professional behavioral psychologist.

i do hope it helps.

[darkzero45]

Um...... WOW. Ok, so..... A: How old were you when you were raped the first time? That pretty much happened to me but seeing as I'm a guy obviously I didn't have vagina to be raped, just a small hole on my backside that is used for other such things. B:The thing is, some ppl think I'm bi because of that and I think so too cause I haven't found any other reason really. Except, it's a little different for me: I like it, and it usually doesn't hurt but it won't matter anyhow cause I'm masochistic.

[doesthislookinfected]

first thanks for all the responces and not laughing of me :P

@ElderKain ..- i have never heard of the "clamp syndrome" you say-- and not even in google -- could you provide more info about it.. its always good to know what the hell is going on with me >_>;


@krnxknight- what you said.. is kinna helpful thanks-- tho i'm embarasing with the way i feel about it.. i guess going little by little with your advice might result-- tho there is still no quaranty that it won't hurt like hell right? ^^;

@darkzero45 - sorry to hear that you went to a smiliar experience.. -
i was around 6-8 when i was raped for the first times.. were a couple of times- thanks god i don't remember all the datails.. but i do remember when it happened when i was older and- yeah didn't like it lol

urm.. well some people i know are gay .. and suffered similar situation.. but others-- are gay withtout going throw all thos situation.. so i can't say that it was its fautl i'm bi-- i think "it helped me to realize that" - well at least thats the way i think-

-- and its funny.. cuz i cut.. and still i'm afraid it will hurt lol

[darkzero45]

first thanks for all the responces and not laughing of me :P

@ElderKain ..- i have never heard of the "clamp syndrome" you say-- and not even in google -- could you provide more info about it.. its always good to know what the hell is going on with me >_>;


@krnxknight- what you said.. is kinna helpful thanks-- tho i'm embarasing with the way i feel about it.. i guess going little by little with your advice might result-- tho there is still no quaranty that it won't hurt like hell right? ^^;

@darkzero45 - sorry to hear that you went to a smiliar experience.. -
i was around 6-8 when i was raped for the first times.. were a couple of times- thanks god i don't remember all the datails.. but i do remember when it happened when i was older and- yeah didn't like it lol

urm.. well some people i know are gay .. and suffered similar situation.. but others-- are gay withtout going throw all thos situation.. so i can't say that it was its fautl i'm bi-- i think "it helped me to realize that" - well at least thats the way i think-

-- and its funny.. cuz i cut.. and still i'm afraid it will hurt lol

Ok....... Real quick question.... HOW MANY OTHER GODDAMN THINGS DO YOU DO THAT I DO?!?! I think you should pm me.

[Silmeria]

be ready for a long response to this.

you developed an aversion to penetration because of the past events. any therapist will tell you this. they will continue to tell you that the only way to break your aversion is to expose yourself to it.

this is true.

when a person goes through a psychological trauma such as an accident or assault, there is typically one thing during that event that the victim attaches all the fear from the event to.
in your case, it's penetration.

I was in an accident a few years back. in my case, it was little honda civics. After I got out of the hospital, i could drive any car fine with no adverse effects. However, when presented with the sight of a little red honda, i could barely stand. My brain had wired it so that when i saw a little red honda, i would think that i was about to be hit by a truck again. however, the longer i was around that little red honda without the event of being hit by a truck happening, the easier it was to be near it. now i can drive em fine, just takes some time. exposure to the "cause(little red honda)" without the "effect(crash)" will eventually make it so the cause no longer leads to that effect.

that being said, in your case, exposure to penetration without the assault will eventually make it so you have have sex that way without reacting as such.

i suggest starting with a vibrator because you have total control over it. if you can already use vibrators normally, i suggest doing so with your boyfriend present (assuming that you do want to have sex with him in the future). that way you can have the penetration by vibrator with another human presence there. get used to that and eventually he might be able to start. this does hinge on the fact that he can be patient.

and so ends my comprehensive guide to behavioral psychology as a means of therapy. for a more detailed and professional sounding (but basically the same) guide, you will have to enlist a professional behavioral psychologist.

i do hope it helps.
thats basscially the best anwser but instead of following the vibrator just go straigh with the sexual terapist and psychologist.

[darkzero45]

Ok, I am a guy of course so I probably don't know as much, but I think the vibrator is a very good idea and that's not cause I'm perverted.

[ElderKain]

Well "Clamp Syndrome" is a simple way to put it, becase it's like a clamp becasue of past trauma. There is a medical term for it, but I just can't remember the exact name of it.

sry I can't be of help when It comes to the name of the actual medical name of the problem >.<

:monk: :monk: :monk: :monk: :monk:

[reminder]

You really need to visit a psychologist. They earn their money by helping people such as you.

One more thing, visit a gynaecologist as well. That pain from penetration may not be a psychological problem, it can also be a serious physical problem. Rape is not exactly a healthy intercourse, and if the rapist doesn't care... there might be some kind of damage that causes the pain.



PS. A little offtopic advice - sign up for some self-defense courses. If you look as a potential rape victim, this means that it might happen in the future... so better learn how to kick asses of your future offenders.

[Kenadian]

PS. A little offtopic advice - sign up for some self-defense courses. If you look as a potential rape victim, this means that it might happen in the future... so better learn how to kick asses of your future offenders.

Some very good advice.

[Silmeria]

You really need to visit a psychologist. They earn their money by helping people such as you.

One more thing, visit a gynaecologist as well. That pain from penetration may not be a psychological problem, it can also be a serious physical problem. Rape is not exactly a healthy intercourse, and if the rapist doesn't care... there might be some kind of damage that causes the pain.



PS. A little offtopic advice - sign up for some self-defense courses. If you look as a potential rape victim, this means that it might happen in the future... so better learn how to kick asses of your future offenders.
actually there is a antirape condom XD but its nasty against males.

[darkzero45]

Elaborate on this, "antirape condom" I've never heard of anything like it. Sounds interesting.

[krnxknight]

Elaborate on this, "antirape condom" I've never heard of anything like it. Sounds interesting.

i do remember a device that might be similar to this antirape condom.

female assassins who were disguised as prostitutes utilised it a lot. a circular apparatus was inserted in the vagina that had razor blades affixed to it. so when the male decides to enter, his engorged member would be sliced to ribbons, causing him to bleed out very painfully.

dunno if there's a modern day version though.

[doesthislookinfected]

yeah sounds interesting..
but anyway its not nice to think that i look like "a potential rape victim" =____=" and thankies for your advices-- i will take into consideration.. everyt adivice given- cuz i wanna get a lil better this yeear :P

sometimes i wonder why i do through this kinna stuffs if i'm not even pretty lol

[Silmeria]

[Only registered and activated users can see links]
there is the gallery and the FAQ about it.

[reminder]

Instead of actually learning something useful, you're suggesting some kind of stupid condom... sorry, but they might go anal or oral all the way, and that would leave the condom in place and the girl raped.... but it's all ok, right?

Anyway, the reason why I suggested self defense courses is because allow you to defeat 98% of potential rapists AND these courses help you to build self confidence. One of the things most attractive to a rapist - lack of self confidence. Changing that might eliminate the reason why they are so attracted to you in the first place.


Also, if you imagine the experience you might go through after the rapist realises he can't do his thing... or maybe he has some friends... well, you'd wish you were dead, that's for sure. Unless you knew how to defend yourself in teh first place.



but anyway its not nice to think that i look like "a potential rape victim" =____=

Accept it and get over it. After all, the number of times you were raped already is absurdic. Just learn how to prevent that in teh future.



PS. My first two advices, I hope that you'll try them as well.

[ZephyrBlack]

rape should be in the virtual world and are not allow in reality, if someone rape they can say so what I got condom and they get away with it.

[Silmeria]

Instead of actually learning something useful, you're suggesting some kind of stupid condom... sorry, but they might go anal or oral all the way, and that would leave the condom in place and the girl raped.... but it's all ok, right?

Anyway, the reason why I suggested self defense courses is because allow you to defeat 98% of potential rapists AND these courses help you to build self confidence. One of the things most attractive to a rapist - lack of self confidence. Changing that might eliminate the reason why they are so attracted to you in the first place.


Also, if you imagine the experience you might go through after the rapist realises he can't do his thing... or maybe he has some friends... well, you'd wish you were dead, that's for sure. Unless you knew how to defend yourself in teh first place.





Accept it and get over it. After all, the number of times you were raped already is absurdic. Just learn how to prevent that in teh future.



PS. My first two advices, I hope that you'll try them as well.

you seem to be pretty dense dont you....i didnt suggest a condom...i just brougth up since PEOPLE asked for it...if you actually read the whole topic..... the advice i posted was a doctor and a sexual terapist....also lets be real against 1 guy selfdefense migth work....but you know to take 2 or more.....decent intelligence rapist would be hard she would need more than just knowing self defense more like practice the selfdefense for a longtime...even too, a rapist dont wait a woman will use selfdefense so it migth work...so if you are going for a selfdefense course go for Kenpo(controling the enemy), aikido(defending art only), jujutsu(control and some attacks to make the control easier), Dim mak(manipulation of points of pressure also called okinawa karate) or Tang soo do i dont recomend this last one is more like a heavy martial art.

[reminder]

you seem to be pretty dense dont you....i didnt suggest a condom...i just brougth up since PEOPLE asked for it...if you actually read the whole topic..... the advice i posted was a doctor and a sexual terapist....

...and that was a good advice.

also lets be real against 1 guy selfdefense migth work....but you know to take 2 or more.....decent intelligence rapist would be hard she would need more than just knowing self defense more like practice the selfdefense for a longtime...even too, a rapist dont wait a woman will use selfdefense so it migth work...

With proper training, even an average fighter can take down three people without any skills. Mainly because they follow easily predictable patterns. You might want to know that...



so if you are going for a selfdefense course go for Kenpo(controling the enemy), aikido(defending art only), jujutsu(control and some attacks to make the control easier), Dim mak(manipulation of points of pressure also called okinawa karate) or Tang soo do i dont recomend this last one is more like a heavy martial art.

A good advice. After all, some styles are better for defense than others.

[Silmeria]

With proper training, even an average fighter can take down three people without any skills. Mainly because they follow easily predictable patterns. You might want to know that...

you said the keyword average not saying females are less but we have a phisical gap there, after the rapist are not going one on one and well unsless she really wants to get deep into it to become average(if we have the same definition of average) and has the time go ahead....because a female with no skills with training(no defense art knowledge) as you say i dont they get in a figth often you think they will know how to figth out of the nothing? lets get real lol.

[krnxknight]

@ sil, the physical gap means we have to learn to compensate with technique. aikido+judo for 6/7 years does wonders.
in support of sil, not everyone is going to take a martial art for 6+ years and even i wouldn't want to fight 2+ guys at once. that's the situation where i run the hell away. we also tend to have psychological red tape as well, typically we females like to do things with words instead of actions so we are hesitant to use actions first (i believe the opposite is true for guys no?).

in support of self defense for females, stun-guns are good equalizers, but you absolutely need to get the first strike in and quickly. just drawing it and waving it around won't do anything because the opponent is stronger and faster than you because he knows exactly what he is going to do.

[darkzero45]

This is starting to get a little off track no? Seriously, remember what the thread was about in the first place? A phobia of something. Let's talk about it shall we?

[Silmeria]

@ sil, the physical gap means we have to learn to compensate with technique. aikido+judo for 6/7 years does wonders.
in support of sil, not everyone is going to take a martial art for 6+ years and even i wouldn't want to fight 2+ guys at once. that's the situation where i run the hell away. we also tend to have psychological red tape as well, typically we females like to do things with words instead of actions so we are hesitant to use actions first (i believe the opposite is true for guys no?).

in support of self defense for females, stun-guns are good equalizers, but you absolutely need to get the first strike in and quickly. just drawing it and waving it around won't do anything because the opponent is stronger and faster than you because he knows exactly what he is going to do.
there you go darkzero(she anwsered our question), if you want to blame someone for sidetracking the topic blame yourself i said selfdefense since you recomended would be good and made a comment about it that girl couldnt take more than 2 guys trying to rape her even if trained a little and you followed it. but still my main oppinion is a doctor and a sex terapist.

[Suigintou]

Sorry to hear that this happened to you, especially at age 6-8 (I didn't even know it was possible that early!). If I were you, I would definitely try the vibrator thing previously mentioned. However, as was also previously said, there is a high chance of the problem being physical, since being raped at 6-8 CAN'T be good for the vagina. I recommend trying it with the vibrator and observing what happens; if it's OK, just keep doing it unless something happens, if it hurts, consult your gynecologist immediately.

As a virgin male I can't say I've had this kind of problem, but this is simply my advice to you. Again, sorry to hear about your dilemma.

[Suigintou]

-- and its funny.. cuz i cut.. and still i'm afraid it will hurt lol

Ok, you definitely should NOT cut. Now, I'm not the type of person who just says that without thinking; I realize that there are many reasons why people could want to cut themselves psychologically. However, the reason you cut is most likely due (as I draw from your posts) to your fear of penetration, your questionable sexuality, and your inability to come to terms with the two. Perhaps talking to a sexual therapist will help, although, doing what I said in the previous post may help you come to terms a bit better and help reduce the cutting due to an increase of emotional stability. Good Luck!

[doesthislookinfected]

@Suigintou-- i doubt my fear of penetration is the reason i cut o.O - and...i'm okie with my sexuality x) - and thanks for your advice
-- actually.. few days ago-- i started to bleed and i had some horrible pains for no reason .. [i already nad my period..so it wasn't it] -- and then i joked with a friend that i might have a cancer lol-- i was smoking at that moment.. she just threw my cigarrete and made me promise to have a check to the gynecologist.. .. but its a pretty uncomfortable situation u__u"
idk why talking about this with other people .. feels okie as long we aren't talking about "me" -- but when "me" comes to the subject. -- its REALLY embarasing to say

@Silmeria -- my bf is a virgin [zomg he's such an uke lol].. so prolly a sex therapist is to early

but thanks for your advices.. i feel less like an allien now..

maybe little by little i can get throw all this shits.. pfft.. or i might die first.. whichever comes first--

[Agnus]

awww i dont even know what to say but do your best girl! =)

[pickles88]

Well congrats for opening up and speaking out those problems and yeah you have done well do keep yourself sane for the most time. Well, why not try and hold off dating this dude for a while. In the meantime, you should strengthen your mind because it seems that you have received heavy damage on your mind. You get those phobia due to your past incident. Try and forget about it with time and do something that will help your mind grow. Try doing some physical work or study... It helps you focus and think more deeply about it and possibly formulate an asnwer for it...

Not everyone is born lucky and i have experienced some unfortunate events. Don't give up, whatever it is it can be fixed belive in that and live on for the future. YOU CAN DO IT!!

[Slayden]

Pickles. Stop it. Stop spamming here to get your post count up. That is what the Everything/Nothing section is for. doesthislookinfected hasn't even logged on to these forums in a month.

[brokenlax]

Edit: oops, only read the first page. ;_;