Definately need some serious help here. [Archive]

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puppetslave

01-02-2008, 02:37 AM

Ok, prepare for a complicated situation.
Girl I've known for about 7 years now. Yes, I said 7.
I've been crazy about her since day one- feelings never went away since.
I NEVER TOLD HER, being the pussy i am, you know, the whole "fear of rejection thing..." Seriously, we're talking about my first crush here... Yeah, I waited THAT long.
We've been good friends for a looonnng time now, and I think she's pretty comfortable having serious talks with me.
I decided recently that I would grow some balls and tell her, even though I'm sure she has no feelings for me.
The way I see it, it would be worse to live with the regret of never knowing for sure; at least this way I can get some closure.

Now, before my questions, I think it would be helpful for you all to understand her personality. Fun loving. She's the kind of person that is quite physical- she hangs on guys, even the ones she doesn't like... she's fun like that. The problem is, I suck at identifying how she expresses interest in other guys. I used to hang out with her old boyfriend and her, (yes, it was painful,) and she seemed to act the same around him as with everyone else... :\

SO ANYWAY.
Here's where I need help:
1. Is there any way I can tell ahead of time if I even have a chance with her?
2. Should I even tell her?
3. HOW should I tell her?

I'm totally nervous as hell about the whole thing, and I'm losing sleep over it.
Actually, I've been losing sleep over it for 7 years!
I know this is crazy, but any advice would be greatly appreciated!

BTW I'm new here, so hi everyone.

lovingika

01-02-2008, 03:00 AM

I'm not a girl. But I'l try to give a suggestion based on my own experience (wich is rather similar with U'r case).

TELL HER! Trust me, I really know "fear of rejection thing..." U mention. But its not that bad after all U know. U better confess U'r feeling as soon as possible rather than tortured avery night, wandering Ur mind full of the bad things.

Dont be affraid to be reject, dont make "to be accepted by her" as U'r confession objective. But do it to lighten U'r heart. If U end up being reject, it doesnt mean U end up U'r relation with Her. In fact, analyzed from U'r description what kind of girl she is, it will become more comfortable after U tell U'r feelings, its good either for Her and U. Because she'll notice that anyhing U do (in the past, present, or future) for her, is because U love her.

Remember: If U really love someone, there's so many other ways to express U'r love without being her girl/boy friend.

NB: Sory for my bad english. Its not my primary language ;p

Silmeria

01-02-2008, 03:19 AM

hmmm its simple better say than have the doubt of your life later, i think its better to fail than having a doubt "what if" all your life because you didnt have the balls to say it, let me warn you(not scare you) after you confess if things dont go to well things might get a little ackward to you and her, but if you two know how to act, can still be friends and be normal in no time and you really been 7 years around her and dont know her behavior.....of what she likes or dislikes you are blind or maybe you can ask directly on what she likes and see if you are a candidate for her, dont ask to nervous or she will notice ask just as a normal convertsation since you said she already have serious conversations with you.

1. Is there any way I can tell ahead of time if I even have a chance with her?
ask, what she thiks about you (as an friend of course) and ask what she likes on a man

2. Should I even tell her?
of course nothing wrong it will be fun years later believe me

3. HOW should I tell her?
depends on how she likes to be expressed directly face to face or maybe a card yes a card but beign you infront of her since if i am rigth you will be scared of talking.

how you want to tell her is up to you what you want to tell her? "i like you" "i Love you" "want to go in a date with me" or all combined.

ANBU

01-02-2008, 03:44 AM

ok this is something u can ask both the guys and ladies on the forum.
When i was younger i had the crapy "...fear of rejection.." over my shoulders for 2 years w/ this girl i liked , and then i was forced to confess after my idiot friend told her how i felt and she rejected me but anyways enuff w/ that shitty past bac to u.

1. Recall how many relationships she has had over the period of time that u hav known her, and try to calculate how long each of them lasted. And try to hav a clear sight of everything she does when ur w/ her, how her acts differ from when she is w/ other people and/ or her BF, then contrast it to how she is when she is around u, is she more quiet or is she more talkative. If she seems to b a little bit more quiet when she talks to u she probably views more closer to her than just a friend.

2. Dude tell her, trust me you will feel a lot better if u do it, and mak sure u saying something like "i've like u for 7 years..." or something like that so if she says no that will bring on the "guilt-trip"

3. hmm.... first make sure u guys are alone or at least in a quiet area where no one can hear u, and make sure u tak a deep breathe b4 telling her cus ur chest is gonna feel lik if it about to jump out of ur body. And here is how i think it should b said:
We've known each other for 7 years now and i've always held bac..[pause and look at her b4 continuing] and in those past 7 years i
ve seen u w/ a lot of guys (or if its just one say "him" and i've always felt that u deserver better.... from there on your gonna hav to come up w/ ur own stuff bro, but good lcuk i belive in u man! [Only registered and activated users can see links]

Silmeria

01-02-2008, 04:02 AM

oh so so i forgot to mention normally i dont think she is the same with friends and BF in behavior she saves it for when she is alone with him.

puppetslave

01-02-2008, 12:18 PM

I appreciate the responses so far, just as an update I messaged her asking if she wanted to hook up at starbucks or something to "talk about some stuff." She replied and said she would like to when she gets a free day.
Oh yeah @ ANBU no.1: She has always acted quieter around me, I have always been under the impression that it was because I'm not as much the talkative fun type as she is.
Wish me luck everyone!

MMao

01-02-2008, 12:37 PM

1 thing u need 2 do when u want 2 get her, dun ever think tat U GET HER ALREADY

@starbuckz......hmm....prepare more money I suggest.........

Shikigami

01-02-2008, 12:47 PM

very very good luck to you

ANBU

01-02-2008, 01:13 PM

EviL

01-02-2008, 09:07 PM

I hate to question whether you might have waited to long but then again I don't know much. Wishing you the best of luck either way.

ryoko_neo

01-02-2008, 09:18 PM

I do the same thing the girl you like does...sadly. I like to hug a lot of people though only like one guy...

1. Is there any way I can tell ahead of time if I even have a chance with her?

Hmmm, judging by the girls personality you described then no...you could ask her best (Girl) friend. That's how I set up my best friend with her boyfriend. She liked him told me but not her, and when told me that he liked her I set them up.

2. Should I even tell her?

Yes, or you might go through life regretting that you didn't

3. HOW should I tell her?

Hmmm, do it with the two of you, alone. Then be very sincere tell her what you told us no beating around the bush.

puppetslave

01-03-2008, 12:28 AM

Wow, so much support!
All of your answers have been appreciated and taking into consideration.
We will meet up next week some time, and my god am I nervous.

ANBU

01-03-2008, 01:33 PM

Wow, so much support!
All of your answers have been appreciated and taking into consideration.
We will meet up next week some time, and my god am I nervous.

lol just relax and wake every day walk up to ur mirror and say "u can do it!" though try not to say it out loud or else people passing by might think your doing somthing else xD