Fuck My Life.

tearitup10 · 06-03-2009, 10:58 PM

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant.

My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out with a man. FML

Lol you got cheated on by a man, that sucks even worse then being cheated on by another woman lol.

Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML

Wow that's fucked up lol.

Today I noticed that my daughter was making funny noises which oddly resembled sex sounds my wife makes. When I asked her what she was doing she said "I'm pretending to be mommy from last night." I was on a business trip last night. FML

Haha owned...

Today, I was reported to my principal because someone caught me shooting up at the cafeteria lunch table and as a result I have been suspended from school I am a diabetic, I was giving myself insulin before I ate crappy school food. FML

Wow that's some messed up shit, lol, they should have enough common sense to realize no one would just openly shoot up drugs during lunch.

Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my penis over my jeans and said "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML

WOW, lol now that... that's just funny.

Today, my gf and I were planning to have dinner plans at 6. I called her at 6:09 asking where she was [i was at the restaurant waiting] and she said "I'm at mcdonalds with jessica.. call u later?" I then had to get my waiter to tell him to remove the ring from the dessert so I could go home. FML

Wow poor guy. I'd feel like shit if I we're him.

Yeah this site is great I can't stop reading the stuff! Human nature is weird, we get a good laugh and amusement out of others fucked up lives lol.

silverstella · 06-04-2009, 01:05 AM

Today, I came home from work when I heard people in my apartment. My apartment was supposed to be empty, so I entered ready to fight some thieves. I rushed in and hit the closest person to me before the lights switched on. It was a surprise party. I broke my girlfriend's cheek-bone. FML

LOL
Paranoid much?

tearitup10 · 06-04-2009, 02:29 AM

HAHAHA! That's fucked up....
"SUPR..." -THUMP- "WHO THE FUCKS IN MY HOUSE!?!?!"

Lol that really does suck.

Bajay Nyangkut · 06-04-2009, 03:58 AM

Big fish to fry!

Today, I sent a random forward to the ladies at my office. When I scrolled down I noticed my personal emails from my best friend were attached. They go into great detail about the sex I had last night, when I was planning on dumping my boyfriend and that I suspected I had an anal fissure. FML

Today, I woke up fully clothed, trying to remember the night's events. I walk to the den to awkwardly ask my dad for a ride to my car and he points to the computer. A pic of me passed out on the bathroom floor is now our new wallpaper. My skirt was around my knees. He sent it to everyone we know. FML

Today, I was shaving my balls with a blade razor because my electric trimmer had died and I had a big date with the girl of my dreams. I moved too quickly and accidentally knicked a vein in my scrotum. I had to hold gauze over my balls until the paramedics arrived. FML

Today, I did some math. Relaxing bubble bath soap:$17.00. Enough water to fill a bathtub: $10. Favorite tea: $4. Organic candle: $8. Looking out the window to see your 70+ year old male neighbor taking pictures of you lowering yourself into your bath: priceless. FML

Today, I was dealing with a psychiatric patient with a colonostomy bag. She got agitated and ripped the bag from her abdomen and threw it at my face. I got a bag filled with poop thrown at my face. FML

Today, I went to a real Japanese restaurant with my sister and mom, where you had to take off your shoes and sit on the floor. After the meal, I realized my shoes were no longer where I put them. For the seven years the restaurant has been open, I'm the first person to get their shoes stolen. FML

The most fucked up stories I've ever heard in a while xD

inyerface · 06-28-2009, 04:00 AM

Today, I went on a walk with the guy I like. He held my hand, so I decided to tell him that I had feelings for him. He said that he had feelings for me too. I smiled and leaned in to kiss him. He put his hand on my face and pushed it away, and said "until your acne clears, we are NOT together." FML

xD

vivifc · 06-28-2009, 05:07 AM

Spoiler!

that´s hilarious....

formerussr · 06-28-2009, 10:33 AM

Some of the stories there makes a bad day look good.

ICallTimeOut · 07-01-2009, 01:56 AM

I love that site.

Scoobysnac · 10-28-2009, 11:14 AM

Big Thanks didnt know about that site! F'n Hilarious!!!

Shiiro · 11-19-2009, 07:03 AM

The fourth one cracked me up! Virgin Boy Assholes, LMAO XDD I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING!!!

EDIT: Wait, everything cracks me up!! AHAHAHAHAHA!! XDD

06-03-2009, 10:58 PM	#21
tearitup10 Ifrit Posts: 39 Join Date: May 2009 Gender : Location: U.S.A	Re: Fuck My Life. Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out with a man. FML Lol you got cheated on by a man, that sucks even worse then being cheated on by another woman lol. Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML Wow that's fucked up lol. Today I noticed that my daughter was making funny noises which oddly resembled sex sounds my wife makes. When I asked her what she was doing she said "I'm pretending to be mommy from last night." I was on a business trip last night. FML Haha owned... Today, I was reported to my principal because someone caught me shooting up at the cafeteria lunch table and as a result I have been suspended from school I am a diabetic, I was giving myself insulin before I ate crappy school food. FML Wow that's some messed up shit, lol, they should have enough common sense to realize no one would just openly shoot up drugs during lunch. Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my penis over my jeans and said "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML WOW, lol now that... that's just funny. Today, my gf and I were planning to have dinner plans at 6. I called her at 6:09 asking where she was [i was at the restaurant waiting] and she said "I'm at mcdonalds with jessica.. call u later?" I then had to get my waiter to tell him to remove the ring from the dessert so I could go home. FML Wow poor guy. I'd feel like shit if I we're him. Yeah this site is great I can't stop reading the stuff! Human nature is weird, we get a good laugh and amusement out of others fucked up lives lol. Last edited by tearitup10; 06-03-2009 at 11:03 PM.

06-04-2009, 01:05 AM	#22
silverstella -Heero's Shiny Kitsune- Posts: 16,137 Join Date: Nov 2008 Gender : Location: ~In Heero's pants~ Total Awards: 5	Re: Fuck My Life. Today, I came home from work when I heard people in my apartment. My apartment was supposed to be empty, so I entered ready to fight some thieves. I rushed in and hit the closest person to me before the lights switched on. It was a surprise party. I broke my girlfriend's cheek-bone. FML LOL Paranoid much? -Mistress Nasty and Daughter of Darkness- Spoiler! <3 Married to Heero yuy <3 *~B.A.S.S~* Spoiler! BurningSoul . Ahra . Silverstella . Saizo >>>>Save our Tigers<<<<

06-04-2009, 02:29 AM	#23
tearitup10 Ifrit Posts: 39 Join Date: May 2009 Gender : Location: U.S.A	Re: Fuck My Life. HAHAHA! That's fucked up.... "SUPR..." -THUMP- "WHO THE FUCKS IN MY HOUSE!?!?!" Lol that really does suck.

06-04-2009, 03:58 AM	#24
Bajay Nyangkut N00b Slayer Posts: 2,996 Join Date: Jan 2009 Gender : Location: Indonesia. Period.	Re: Fuck My Life. Big fish to fry! Today, I sent a random forward to the ladies at my office. When I scrolled down I noticed my personal emails from my best friend were attached. They go into great detail about the sex I had last night, when I was planning on dumping my boyfriend and that I suspected I had an anal fissure. FML Today, I woke up fully clothed, trying to remember the night's events. I walk to the den to awkwardly ask my dad for a ride to my car and he points to the computer. A pic of me passed out on the bathroom floor is now our new wallpaper. My skirt was around my knees. He sent it to everyone we know. FML Today, I was shaving my balls with a blade razor because my electric trimmer had died and I had a big date with the girl of my dreams. I moved too quickly and accidentally knicked a vein in my scrotum. I had to hold gauze over my balls until the paramedics arrived. FML Today, I did some math. Relaxing bubble bath soap:$17.00. Enough water to fill a bathtub: $10. Favorite tea: $4. Organic candle: $8. Looking out the window to see your 70+ year old male neighbor taking pictures of you lowering yourself into your bath: priceless. FML Today, I was dealing with a psychiatric patient with a colonostomy bag. She got agitated and ripped the bag from her abdomen and threw it at my face. I got a bag filled with poop thrown at my face. FML Today, I went to a real Japanese restaurant with my sister and mom, where you had to take off your shoes and sit on the floor. After the meal, I realized my shoes were no longer where I put them. For the seven years the restaurant has been open, I'm the first person to get their shoes stolen. FML The most fucked up stories I've ever heard in a while xD The Ears of Oblivion Fear us; we bite >:3 Me and Miss Marionette will conquer this world with nekos lolis and shoutas! Special thanks to ElderKain for the sig & avy =D Sometimes I like to barge in in a thread and steal something. If that, by any chance, happens to you, please pardon me. It was a joke =D

06-28-2009, 04:00 AM	#25
inyerface Ifrit Posts: 31 Join Date: Jun 2009	Re: Fuck My Life. Today, I went on a walk with the guy I like. He held my hand, so I decided to tell him that I had feelings for him. He said that he had feelings for me too. I smiled and leaned in to kiss him. He put his hand on my face and pushed it away, and said "until your acne clears, we are NOT together." FML xD

06-28-2009, 05:07 AM	#26
vivifc Vengeful Ecchi Goddess Posts: 14,255 Join Date: Oct 2008 Gender : Location: no man's land Total Awards: 3	Re: Fuck My Life. Spoiler! Today, it's been a few days since I decided to give this girl I like the silent treatment.I've been writing on/off with her for a few weeks, but decided to stop a bit, to seem mysterious. When I logged on Facebook today, her status was "..is so happy that annoying guy has stopped writing to me!" FML that´s hilarious.... happily married to Saito...^_^ Spoiler! *NRA* Spoiler!

06-28-2009, 10:33 AM	#27
formerussr Ifrit Posts: 35 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: Fuck My Life. Some of the stories there makes a bad day look good.

07-01-2009, 01:56 AM	#28
ICallTimeOut Ifrit Posts: 31 Join Date: Jun 2009	Re: Fuck My Life. I love that site.

10-28-2009, 11:14 AM	#29
Scoobysnac Unknown Posts: 3 Join Date: Oct 2009	Re: Fuck My Life. Big Thanks didnt know about that site! F'n Hilarious!!!

11-19-2009, 07:03 AM	#30
Shiiro Ifrit Posts: 183 Join Date: Feb 2009 Gender : Location: In the world of Ninjas	Re: Fuck My Life. The fourth one cracked me up! Virgin Boy Assholes, LMAO XDD I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING!!! EDIT: Wait, everything cracks me up!! AHAHAHAHAHA!! XDD Everytime you don't feed them, God kills a kitten. So click on them NAO!! Kasumi and Chun Li are awesome. Especially their boobs. Last edited by Shiiro; 11-19-2009 at 07:07 AM.

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