[takeya]

Well first off guys, its been a while since I was last active. I would like to apoligize for that. But my life has changed AMAZINGLY in the last few months.

Well. starting March 31st of this year, I got mysalf an AMAZING girlfriend. Shes beautiful, smart and to top it off, shes crazy about me, or so she claims. She said that shes had a crush on me for quite some time. I cant say it hadnt gone both ways of course ;P. I really love her and she loves me. Now, on to the nitty gritty.

The reason Im posting is for honest advice. It never ceases to amaze me; the amount of GOOD ADVICE on this forum. Everyone helps out. So heres my dillema. a few actually.

Throughout the cousre of our short but sweet relationship, I have learned some thing about her that really tear me up pretty bad. I had always known that she had smoked pot and cigarettes, and About a month in, I learned that she was bulimic. Pretty bad too. She said she used to do it more than once a day, depoending on how she felt. So much to the point that she has made herself anemic and given herself many, many gastric problems. After I found this out, I told her how much it bothered me. The smoking too. She said that if they really bother me she would quit. Ive been supporting her every day, and I will continue until the day I die. Then, like she had on several other occasions, she told me that she hates herself. Apparently she has for a very long time. She used to cut herself and to this day inflicts pain on her self. She doesnt cut, but will hit her hip until it bruises. She also "forgets" to take her meds for her stomach problems. Everyday for her yeilds stomach aches and somtimes vomiting, even when she doesnt do it to herself. Her body has become so used to it that about once a week for two days she cant keep anything down. She has her bulimia down significantly, to the pint that she went a little more than a week without doing it. She says she hasnt smoked pot since I told her it bothered me. Everytime, though that she tells me she hates herself, she really means it. It isnt an attention thing, because she doesnt just say it. Every time I tell her that she really is perfect. Every time she responds, "I believe that you think I am." This kills me just a little more. How can she Know how I actually feel but still hate herself so much? Is it just a phase Like Ive read?

This brings me to my next thing. I dont trust her. I want to, and shes given me no reason not to. I ask for daily updates to her bulimia and such, but I can never bring myself to fully believe her. I really really want to too. She knows about this now because I spilled my guts recently. I told her everything. She ssays shes not mad and to just give it time. She told me that trust is earned. I dont feel that my trust is growing any though. I mean I trust she wont cheat on me, but I question small things, like how she actually feels about me and whether or not she lies to me. One of the bigger things that I cant believe is that she claims to be a virgin. I mean alot of what you hear is just guys bragging, but she told me what she has done and with whom. What makes it hard for me, is the fact that she /has/ done everything else. Like, if she want right up to the brink, what was stopping her? Maybe Im just thinking too much into it. I really do want to believe everything though.

I guess my only questions out of all of this is How can I learn to trust her, and How can I prove that she means the world to me?

I can give more details if needed, or if youre just curious.

[Andariel]

Hey guy, i really understand you, and I know how you feel and how it hurts if your Girlfriend say some things. You must learn to thrust her and give her any support you have in the right way.
But you must understand one important thing! You can't heal and save her only by yourself.
You must bring her to a point she will go to a Therapy. It will cost you and your girlfriend much power and time, but every emotion and diciest(hope I get the right word) she have has a reason. You both must search for a psychologist.
She needs a therapist and you must give her any hold she needs to know in her back.
But you must be really sure that you want it!
There is a way out of this all, and you must get thrust in this way.
Or it will destroy your own psychological health.
Cheep up might and go ahead as a symbol for her, straight up and strong in your Will.
You will do it!

[daniel2]

One thing you need is faith. Even if that is hard its not impossible. Your going to seriously have to be there for her man. I think you should take her to a doctor and get her looked at, for blood and etc get her to get a check up. If you want to not make it so obvious then go and both get a check up so your just kinda making it look like you want both of you to be healthy. The doctor will tell you all you need to know, to a certain extent because of Patient-Doctor-Confidentiality.

But that will help.

There is not a lot people can say to you man really.
Except you got yourself into this and now your going to have to live with it because it sounds like she needs someone.

Just tell her to keep on staying straight, no drugs smoking hitting herself vomiting etc.
Hold her hand and if you don't trust her be around her more often like always and make sure that you can vouch that she has been straight and when you see shes been a good girl you might be able to trust her.

Just keep an eye on her, hold her hand and tell her you love her and that her trying to be straight makes you very happy and that you love her for it.

Theres not much else you can do.

[takeya]

Just to let everyone know, I have no plans on backing out of this. Im in this 100%. I really love her.

On the other hand I cant get her checked out. We don't live together. And she does see a school therapist every two weeks. Apparently Im good for her. I will always support her.

[Andariel]

yeah.
I Mean if you give all the time 100% you came to a point you can't give her more.
And I don't think that the School therapist is good enough Oo
Ok I'm from Germany we don't have any one of those guys in School.
You don't must live together, you only stay on her side and give her the Will she don't have.
You should speak with the therapist by your own and I think he give you some Tips to make some better plans and thoughts.

[takeya]

Originally Posted by Andariel

yeah.
I Mean if you give all the time 100% you came to a point you can't give her more.
And I don't think that the School therapist is good enough Oo
Ok I'm from Germany we don't have any one of those guys in School.
You don't must live together, you only stay on her side and give her the Will she don't have.
You should speak with the therapist by your own and I think he give you some Tips to make some better plans and thoughts.

I like the way you think... I should talk to the therapist. Just a matter of getting there. Also there not half bad. And I always will give 100%. Sie ist der hellste stern von allen.

Thanks For the quick responses and positive reinforcement...

[demonicwolf69]

support her and love her if she needs something step up to the plate.

my ex cut did cocaine and was anemic because of belmia, at first i never knew then one night after we slept togather she got really sick i didnt get why she ran down stairs to the toilet for a hour so i got curious went down and seen what i really didnt want to see...

after that she got mostly squared away and i tryed to help finally we broke up we still see each other and am decent freinds see her at school cuses learning to be a cop.

stand behind her and if she can drop the pot and learn to love herself it sounds like your in good man.

if you can help teach her to love herself and not be upset with how she looks or what shes done and she sees a better side to life then shell be good and to be frank so will you sometimes people have alot of mental truama around a event and she could be punishing herself for that...

bout all the advice i can give you need someone to vent lemme know ive been down your road ive seen all to well and it ended decently.

[Andariel]

Originally Posted by takeya

I like the way you think... I should talk to the therapist. Just a matter of getting there. Also there not half bad. And I always will give 100%. Sie ist der hellste stern von allen.

Thanks For the quick responses and positive reinforcement...

No problem might =)
You will get it, stay cool and get your head on the right place.
I give you the best wishes i have^^

[takeya]

I THINK FINALLY!


I think I finally got that rediculousy hard yet crucial first crack in her hard outer shell! We went to the movies tonight and when I asked if she was starting to believe me, I got a maybe! I know how it doesnt sound like much, but a maybe in this case with her means "I actually am finally starting to understand" Im so stoked right now!! You guys really helped me through a tough spot there! Just a little more and she will FINALLY understand! I will STILL always be behing her though. Far from over. Thanks Again!!

[demonicwolf69]

np man..

u sound like your head over heels for this chick becarefull mate women are evil i tell ya ^_^ mind games are fun