Why so needy and then cranky?

[Cilwindow]

Okay, so I need advice, one of my friends "Z" and this girl "Nen" started going out a couple months ago. They have a very strange relationship, Z always uses logic and if he thinks he's right he never backs down and Nen doesn't like conflict so when she backs down and doesn't argue her point back, Z feels neglected like she's pulling away from him and that she doesn't want to open up to him. Then Nen is all confusing I can't even understand her myself sometimes, like Z is really nice to tell her when things are inconvenient for him (I.E. her leaning on him and hugging him when he's trying to eat) in the nicest way possible of course, but then she gets passive aggressive and says things like "Fine, I guess you just don't want to be close to me" and neither me nor Z know if she's joking or not.

I can't convince him to break up with her if she treats him like that when he goes out of his way to be with her and has at one point got fired from his job to spend more time with her, so I need a really nice way of telling her that she should just treat him better. >.<

[Silmeria]

ok your friend is an asshole, your friend is incredibly retarded for using logic with his girl.....if she is huging him while eating the nicest way to please her and not to have a problem is turn around clean your, give a smile and giver her a kiss not even on the mouth...in the cheek is ok, works wonders...if he got fired its because its own stupidity and couldnt schedule time for both....i mean for more dense and sensitive the girl is......she understand that he needs to work for to live.

[lan60000]

Well, first of all. Using logic isnt such a bad thing, atleast he's not stupid and only thinks about sex sex sex. Second of all, acting like nothing's wrong while the girl is giving him some problems due to her actions wont solve anything. In fact, it'll prompt the girl to think she's not doing anything wrong at all. Being close isnt a bad thing, but too close can cause some inconvenience for your partner at times. I agree with the fact that the girl should realise that work is more important than their "together" time, and it's not the guy's fault that he doesnt have enough time to keep her satisfied. Maybe she's asking too much, but your friend should tell his gf his current situation straight out and see how she reacts. If she reacts badly to it and starts being unreasonable, then leave her. If she understands, then there's a chance to work out solutions that will suite them both.

[Silmeria]

Originally Posted by lan60000

Well, first of all. Using logic isnt such a bad thing, atleast he's not stupid and only thinks about sex sex sex. Second of all, acting like nothing's wrong while the girl is giving him some problems due to her actions wont solve anything. In fact, it'll prompt the girl to think she's not doing anything wrong at all. Being close isnt a bad thing, but too close can cause some inconvenience for your partner at times. I agree with the fact that the girl should realise that work is more important than their "together" time, and it's not the guy's fault that he doesnt have enough time to keep her satisfied. Maybe she's asking too much, but your friend should tell his gf his current situation straight out and see how she reacts. If she reacts badly to it and starts being unreasonable, then leave her. If she understands, then there's a chance to work out solutions that will suite them both.

not about sex.....its about well a girl.....we know girls are just random just like the title says..why so needy and then cranky...at least sometimes you dont know how a female will react to a situation you can foresee and plan like logically but...remember a girl inst a linear thinking....like some metod or pattern to follow.

[lan60000]

in any case, they're hard to understand even if you know them well. either way, he has to face his problems with her directly, or things could turn for the worse

[Daniel.]

Silmeria is correct. You need to help open the girls eyes to see what a loser he is.
Logic doesn't work in relationships, It's used for solving problems that have a "rule" to it girls don't have a rule to them.

[Slayden]

Originally Posted by Silmeria

ok your friend is an asshole, your friend is incredibly retarded for using logic with his girl.....if she is huging him while eating the nicest way to please her and not to have a problem is turn around clean your, give a smile and giver her a kiss not even on the mouth...in the cheek is ok, works wonders...if he got fired its because its own stupidity and couldnt schedule time for both....i mean for more dense and sensitive the girl is......she understand that he needs to work for to live.

This is spot on. The paragraph is a little garbled, but the message is what counts the most.

Originally Posted by lan60000

Well, first of all. Using logic isnt such a bad thing, atleast he's not stupid and only thinks about sex sex sex.

That is beside the point. You "feel out" a relationship. There is no logical algorithm for love.

Originally Posted by lan60000

Second of all, acting like nothing's wrong while the girl is giving him some problems due to her actions wont solve anything. In fact, it'll prompt the girl to think she's not doing anything wrong at all.

Yes and no. You are half right. Girls will misbehave on purpose regularly to test a guy, for which you should call her on it and not put up with it, but this girl isn't doing anything wrong. She's just being affectionate. What's wrong with that?

Originally Posted by Silmeria

we know girls are just random just like the title says..why so needy and then cranky...at least sometimes you dont know how a female will react to a situation you can foresee and plan like logically but...remember a girl inst a linear thinking....like some metod or pattern to follow.

Originally Posted by lan60000

in any case, they're hard to understand even if you know them well. either way, he has to face his problems with her directly, or things could turn for the worse

Girls are not random. Fuck why am I only guy that understands a woman's mind?! It's frustrating and I hate spelling it out! I can only imagine how girls feel about it...

Originally Posted by ImI

Silmeria is correct. You need to help open the girls eyes to see what a loser he is.
Logic doesn't work in relationships, It's used for solving problems that have a "rule" to it girls don't have a rule to them.

Girls DO have logic, but they think differently than most guys. I think it boils down to women pay more attention than men. Subtle gestures, body language, tone inflection-- girls pay more attention to these than guys usually. And when she finally blows up and storms out of the room, he groggily turns his head with a dopey look on his face and slurs out "Uuuuh... did I do something wrong?" Worse, some guys will then blame her for what's going on.

[Cilwindow]

Actually you'd be surprised on how well Z analyzes situations, he's kind of like that guy in hitch, he uses logic to determine a situation and nearly all possible outcomes, It's obvious love isn't linear but reactions and human psyche as he calls it can be predicted based on previous situations.

And for all you who call him an asshole, I find that very offensive, just because he thinks logically doesn't make him an unaffectionate guy. He does the whole stop eating thing and kisses her and everything but the fact of the matter is that people can't show their affection in a physical way 24/7, but it seems that's what she expects from him.

I admit it was stupid of him to sacrifice his job, but I believe that the situation was substantial considering he told me it was a conversation about their relationship that he could not tell me for it was their business not mine.

Another thing, he is so used to her that he can tell her mood just by the way she walks, and I've only seen him get it wrong once. He understands her and loves her, but he just wants her to understand that he can't always be with her.

Two other things I forgot to mention as well, the main reason he lost the job was after he came back from training for war he wanted to spend a few days with her alone after being away for two months and his work wasn't satisfied. The other is that he is shipping out in May for fifteen months in Iraq and he doesn't want her to feel bad when he's gone.

[Slayden]

The way you first described it, it sounded like he was being cold to her affections. While I wouldn't use pure logic in a relationship, he seems to be using it as a substitute for feeling his way through it. It's not a perfect substitute, but whatever works I guess, though she may see him as coming off as being unfeeling.

Your first post and this last one are sending different messages. You said in your first post that she says and does things that neither of you understand, but in this last one you say that he understands her so completely that even her walk is enough to tell him what her mood is. I'm tempted to ask "Is she clingy?" but I'm having doubts that you'll be able to fully convey the whole situation accurately.

[MMao]

give ur Z friend a tutor about body language

and give ur Nen friend a book how 2 b more lively, teach her 2 use her mouth 2 argue sometimez