fear of *cough* penetrat...

[doesthislookinfected]

-- ok this is a little embarasing to ask.. well.. REALLY embarasing-- i cna't belive i'm asking this.. but hey.. idk who else i could ask.. since this kinna things.. are embarasing to say...- please .. nobody quote my post ;-; cuz i might delete it later

well i'm a 19 yo girl-- and i have this little problem..-
i was raped when i was a little girl and sexually assaulted- and not many year ago.. it happened again--- yeah it hurted like hell and yeah it left me.. some psycological problems
besides last year i was sexually assaulted .. again--

yeah luck is not by my side
i guess those kinna things are partly.. the reason why i'm depressed and almost kill myself in 2006

when i was little i was afraid of guys.. during that time i noticed that i liked girls too, i liked being with them and they weren't scary- .. [and you know.. sex with them doesn't hurt, ]

-- the thing is that i'm afraid of penetration

one of my last bfs even asked me if i was lesbian, not only bisexual-- cuz yeah..-- i always said "no" when he asked for sex-- tho we did other things.. we never go to penetration cuz i was scared--

then i had another guy.. i was drunk-- and well--then i reacted cuz.. when we were almost there .. it hurted like hell and then i started to yell lol..

now i'm in a currect relation.. we have been together for 4 months--
and well he knows a little of my past.. and he said he understand and will respect me and stuffs.. blablabla-

so i'm afraid.. he might-- get bored of me.. and won't ever "do it" cuz of my fear
i wish i wasn't this afraid--- but hey i have my reason.. but idk how to.. idk.. not being this afraid--

.. sometimes i wish i were lesbian lol.. not bi
but damn.. i happen to fall for a boy this time

--
so any words to less my fears are welcome

ps i know i'm bad spelling XP

[ElderKain]

Either Take it like a Woman, or become a Spinster...
Live a life full of love, or become a Spinster...
Have a family, or become a Spinster...

ur choice.
My dad was friends with a lady, who whas abused when she was younger, and now she has what's known as Clamp Syndrome...
Nothing can go in, and if it does... I'd feel sorry for the object, lol...
If it was a guy, they would either go to hospital for seleration while still being attached >.< or it would cut it off...

Don't let that happen...

[krnxknight]

be ready for a long response to this.

you developed an aversion to penetration because of the past events. any therapist will tell you this. they will continue to tell you that the only way to break your aversion is to expose yourself to it.

this is true.

when a person goes through a psychological trauma such as an accident or assault, there is typically one thing during that event that the victim attaches all the fear from the event to.
in your case, it's penetration.

I was in an accident a few years back. in my case, it was little honda civics. After I got out of the hospital, i could drive any car fine with no adverse effects. However, when presented with the sight of a little red honda, i could barely stand. My brain had wired it so that when i saw a little red honda, i would think that i was about to be hit by a truck again. however, the longer i was around that little red honda without the event of being hit by a truck happening, the easier it was to be near it. now i can drive em fine, just takes some time. exposure to the "cause(little red honda)" without the "effect(crash)" will eventually make it so the cause no longer leads to that effect.

that being said, in your case, exposure to penetration without the assault will eventually make it so you have have sex that way without reacting as such.

i suggest starting with a vibrator because you have total control over it. if you can already use vibrators normally, i suggest doing so with your boyfriend present (assuming that you do want to have sex with him in the future). that way you can have the penetration by vibrator with another human presence there. get used to that and eventually he might be able to start. this does hinge on the fact that he can be patient.

and so ends my comprehensive guide to behavioral psychology as a means of therapy. for a more detailed and professional sounding (but basically the same) guide, you will have to enlist a professional behavioral psychologist.

i do hope it helps.

[darkzero45]

Um...... WOW. Ok, so..... A: How old were you when you were raped the first time? That pretty much happened to me but seeing as I'm a guy obviously I didn't have vagina to be raped, just a small hole on my backside that is used for other such things. B:The thing is, some ppl think I'm bi because of that and I think so too cause I haven't found any other reason really. Except, it's a little different for me: I like it, and it usually doesn't hurt but it won't matter anyhow cause I'm masochistic.

[doesthislookinfected]

first thanks for all the responces and not laughing of me :P

@ElderKain ..- i have never heard of the "clamp syndrome" you say-- and not even in google -- could you provide more info about it.. its always good to know what the hell is going on with me >_>;


@krnxknight- what you said.. is kinna helpful thanks-- tho i'm embarasing with the way i feel about it.. i guess going little by little with your advice might result-- tho there is still no quaranty that it won't hurt like hell right? ^^;

@darkzero45 - sorry to hear that you went to a smiliar experience.. -
i was around 6-8 when i was raped for the first times.. were a couple of times- thanks god i don't remember all the datails.. but i do remember when it happened when i was older and- yeah didn't like it lol

urm.. well some people i know are gay .. and suffered similar situation.. but others-- are gay withtout going throw all thos situation.. so i can't say that it was its fautl i'm bi-- i think "it helped me to realize that" - well at least thats the way i think-

-- and its funny.. cuz i cut.. and still i'm afraid it will hurt lol

[darkzero45]

Originally Posted by doesthislookinfected

first thanks for all the responces and not laughing of me :P

@ElderKain ..- i have never heard of the "clamp syndrome" you say-- and not even in google -- could you provide more info about it.. its always good to know what the hell is going on with me >_>;


@krnxknight- what you said.. is kinna helpful thanks-- tho i'm embarasing with the way i feel about it.. i guess going little by little with your advice might result-- tho there is still no quaranty that it won't hurt like hell right? ^^;

@darkzero45 - sorry to hear that you went to a smiliar experience.. -
i was around 6-8 when i was raped for the first times.. were a couple of times- thanks god i don't remember all the datails.. but i do remember when it happened when i was older and- yeah didn't like it lol

urm.. well some people i know are gay .. and suffered similar situation.. but others-- are gay withtout going throw all thos situation.. so i can't say that it was its fautl i'm bi-- i think "it helped me to realize that" - well at least thats the way i think-

-- and its funny.. cuz i cut.. and still i'm afraid it will hurt lol

Ok....... Real quick question.... HOW MANY OTHER GODDAMN THINGS DO YOU DO THAT I DO?!?! I think you should pm me.

[Silmeria]

Originally Posted by krnxknight

be ready for a long response to this.

you developed an aversion to penetration because of the past events. any therapist will tell you this. they will continue to tell you that the only way to break your aversion is to expose yourself to it.

this is true.

when a person goes through a psychological trauma such as an accident or assault, there is typically one thing during that event that the victim attaches all the fear from the event to.
in your case, it's penetration.

I was in an accident a few years back. in my case, it was little honda civics. After I got out of the hospital, i could drive any car fine with no adverse effects. However, when presented with the sight of a little red honda, i could barely stand. My brain had wired it so that when i saw a little red honda, i would think that i was about to be hit by a truck again. however, the longer i was around that little red honda without the event of being hit by a truck happening, the easier it was to be near it. now i can drive em fine, just takes some time. exposure to the "cause(little red honda)" without the "effect(crash)" will eventually make it so the cause no longer leads to that effect.

that being said, in your case, exposure to penetration without the assault will eventually make it so you have have sex that way without reacting as such.

i suggest starting with a vibrator because you have total control over it. if you can already use vibrators normally, i suggest doing so with your boyfriend present (assuming that you do want to have sex with him in the future). that way you can have the penetration by vibrator with another human presence there. get used to that and eventually he might be able to start. this does hinge on the fact that he can be patient.

and so ends my comprehensive guide to behavioral psychology as a means of therapy. for a more detailed and professional sounding (but basically the same) guide, you will have to enlist a professional behavioral psychologist.

i do hope it helps.

thats basscially the best anwser but instead of following the vibrator just go straigh with the sexual terapist and psychologist.

[darkzero45]

Ok, I am a guy of course so I probably don't know as much, but I think the vibrator is a very good idea and that's not cause I'm perverted.

[ElderKain]

Well "Clamp Syndrome" is a simple way to put it, becase it's like a clamp becasue of past trauma. There is a medical term for it, but I just can't remember the exact name of it.

sry I can't be of help when It comes to the name of the actual medical name of the problem >.<

[reminder]

You really need to visit a psychologist. They earn their money by helping people such as you.

One more thing, visit a gynaecologist as well. That pain from penetration may not be a psychological problem, it can also be a serious physical problem. Rape is not exactly a healthy intercourse, and if the rapist doesn't care... there might be some kind of damage that causes the pain.



PS. A little offtopic advice - sign up for some self-defense courses. If you look as a potential rape victim, this means that it might happen in the future... so better learn how to kick asses of your future offenders.