Ethical Conflicts about Sex before Marriage

[LightElf]

Hi people, um...I have a set of questions regarding having sex with your boy/girlfirend before marriage.

Eh..to give a little background info, I lived most of my life at home due to weak health and fragility, and so did not have much chances for socializing with people outside school.

But that lies a few years back, and now my health is quite fine and will soon be attending college to study Medicine. But around upper school when I first entered an international school (everything taught in English), and since I couldnt understand a word my grades across all subjects got affected and soon I got so discouraged from studying due to failing grades and became a delinquent.

But later due to heavy social discrimination (like who has better grades than someone) anger boiled up and I secluded myself from social events, supressed all trivial emotions that would get in the way, and spent all my time with books studying, so in the end I succeeded in getting an offer for a place in one of the best colleges across the world for Medicine, received lots of academic recognitions from school, and also feel recognized by my family, being the "heir" of our "clan" so to speak, since I am the eldest son.

But during that process, I lost some very important things: time, which I could've used to make some friends, and my ability to form bonds to other people in the first place.

I only realized this very late (I am graduating soon from high school), and realzied that the most prominent feelings I had supressed for so long threatening to erupt was my calling for the opposite sex (not in the physical sense, but emotionally, I wanted to love and be loved back by someone special to me).

Every time I felt attracted to someone, I forcefully supressed the feelings, thinking that pure physical attraction is not real love or affection, perhaps because of my strict upbringing. And so, I am currently trying to open myself up a bit, and would not hate having a romantic relationshiop with someone I like.

But when I hear other guys talking about their girlfriends at school (and here on this forum as well), very often they are already up to having a sexual realtionship with their partners.

Finally (thx for reading all this by the way), the question my mind keeps raising is if it is alright to even be in a sexual relationship with a partner before marriage. I never thought big of the physical aspects of love, and thought only lecherous pervets are up for it. My thoughts on sex so far was just for reproductive purposes, and that it'd be dirty and just wrong to give yourself into your instincts...but it seems not really to be so.

Can someone (both male and females, but would like to hear some honest remarks from females) help me reconcile my thoughts on this issue?
If I ever get a girlfriend and we grow very close to each other (seriously), would it be alright to go into a sexual relationship if both partners agree? I still feel some sort of rejection towards this, as imagining myself in such a relationship just makes me feel dirty and perverted.
I just feel the whole idea of giving up your virginity in a relationship you dont even know whether it will last to end up in marriage is wrong. Isnt it "right" to give your precious virginity to your wife/husband instead of going into it so prematurely? Since if you lose it once, you lose it for your life, and should you break up with your GF/BF and later marry someone and she/he finds out you're not a virgin, wouldnt the realtionship break up or something like that?

I'd like some advice to help clear my mind.

[frenchyamato]

I think that you just ask yourself too much questions!!
I mean when you'll love and be loved you will want to have sex with your GF, I think it's an other way ro become even closer... and the fact that you maybe won't spend the rest of your lives together is not relly the point ( afterall ther're a lot of divorced couples nowaday ). And lose your virginity with someone you love is a good thing even if you won't end marrying it's not something dirty or perverted in my opinion !!
well all this is still hypotheticall for me since I'm still virgin (and never had a boyfriend either ) but I really don't think sex before marriage is a bad thing.

[Daniel.]

Originally Posted by LightElf

Finally (thx for reading all this by the way), the question my mind keeps raising is if it is alright to even be in a sexual relationship with a partner before marriage?

ROFL Is that a real Question? Of coarse its fine to have sex before marriage! The only reason people sometimes don't is because:
A) They are religious.
B) They just don't want to.

Originally Posted by LightElf

If I ever get a girlfriend and we grow very close to each other (seriously), would it be alright to go into a sexual relationship if both partners agree?

Well duh.. if she wants you baaaad and you want her, then make love! Have sex, or whatever! But if its your first time, then you might want the really nice sensual approach to sex, i.e Love Making. Remember though that theres loads of foreplay involved before hand. Before asking what that is, read other threads. Like (How to give your woman 20+ Orgasms) etc. You cant just, "have sex" both people have to be in the mood, some way or another. But yes, if thats what you both want then nothing is stopping you.

Originally Posted by LightElf

I still feel some sort of rejection towards this, as imagining myself in such a relationship just makes me feel dirty and perverted.

No your wrong. People have sex for the feeling. Why else would they do it? It's for the feeling, and to become parents.

Originally Posted by LightElf

I just feel the whole idea of giving up your virginity in a relationship you don't even know whether it will last to end up in marriage is wrong.

Says who?

Originally Posted by LightElf

Isnt it "right" to give your precious virginity to your wife/husband instead of going into it so prematurely? Since if you lose it once, you lose it for your life, and should you break up with your GF/BF and later marry someone and she/he finds out you're not a virgin, wouldn't the relationship break up or something like that?

Nope honestly, it doesn't matter. As long as you don't think your first time was a big mistake. Or a huge waste. You don't need to be told much more else then what I have said, except for people to bolster the facts.

~ImI

[Junior666]

hmmm, well, it's all up to you. If you don't feel comfortable being in a sexual relationship before marriage, then don't. It's no big deal. =)
Also, you're male, so being a virgin isn't a MUST for marriage. Men and women are treated differently when it comes to virginity. Kinda unfair...but whatever.

I personally, want to wait for marriage. I don't know if I actually will, but I'll try. Mostly because if I'm married, and my husband cheats, I can take all his money. I may have given him my everything, but at least I can take his shit when we divorce. With a boyfriend, I could've given him everything and if he cheated, I'd get nothing. I'd just feel used.

HUZZAH FOR DIVORCE LAWYERS. =)

[Daniel.]

Fucking Hell this is exactly why I said Marriage is a DOCUMENT that means the BITCH gets all your st00f!

xD

~ImI

[Junior666]

XD Damnit. ImI, you're on to us! D:

And btw, nice reply. I think LightElf will find it useful.

[Daniel.]

Meh I'm here to help ~~<3

[LightElf]

Originally Posted by ImI

Well duh.. if she wants you baaaad and you want her, then make love! Have sex, or whatever!

I see...but from the set of Psychology and Human Behavior books I read, women do not think the same way towards sex than men. Apparently, women have more reserved thoughts about sex, and put love before physical desire (which I find right) and men on the other hand mostly "click" in to their physical desires first (which I tend not to, since it sounds just wrong).
So wouldnt "asking" for sex or whatever even if you love each other very much be a bit of a risk? She'd see you as a pervert...wouldnt she?

Originally Posted by ImI

No your wrong. People have sex for the feeling. Why else would they do it? It's for the feeling, and to become parents.

I know from my Human Health and Physiology books that sex involves waves of internal "pleasureable" feelings of the body (never had it muself, so cant say otherwise), also known as orgasms, but having sex for the feeling...isnt that what perverts do??? (no offense to you, its just what I deducted).

Damn Im confused. lol

[Daniel.]

Originally Posted by LightElf

I see...but from the set of Psychology and Human Behavior books I read.....

Head out of your books, same with your cock.
This is LIFE you need to experience these things for yourself, take in what is in the books by all means. But don't treat it like its law or "you-have-to-abide-by-this".

Originally Posted by LightElf

Women do not think the same way towards sex than men.

Thats right! They get even hornier then us guys!

Originally Posted by LightElf

Apparently, women have more reserved thoughts about sex, and put love before physical desire (which I find right) and men on the other hand mostly "click" in to their physical desires first (which I tend not to, since it sounds just wrong).
So wouldn't "asking" for sex or whatever even if you love each other very much be a bit of a risk? She'd see you as a pervert...wouldn't she?

She'd see you as FRESH MEAT *Diablo Butcher Voice*
No mate she'd see you as cute and ready for sex. Besides how do you think sex happens? It happens when people decide they want to do it. Organising sex... is a bit silly. It's meant to be spontaneous. You should get to a point where you know you both want it but no one has to ask. As for your virginity you might need to talk about it with your virgin girlfriend as well. If shes not a virgin it wont make it really any different.. Unless it makes a difference for you.

Originally Posted by LightElf

I know from my Human Health and Physiology books.....

Didn't I say head out of those books now? Your a man!

Originally Posted by LightElf

Sex involves waves of internal "pleasureable" feelings of the body (never had it muself, so cant say otherwise), also known as orgasms, but having sex for the feeling...isnt that what perverts do??? (no offense to you, its just what I deducted).

We are all perverts my friend. Your on an ECCHI forums. ECCHI means "Pervert" welcome to the world. Girls LIKE perverts. It's only when your sleazy that they start to feel scared. Any girl is going to be interested in you if your interested in her "bits" As for Orgasms, why have sex at all if it doesn't feel good?
So your telling me you think sex is like an agreement between two people, for... what...? lmao??? You are confused you sure are!

[frenchyamato]

stop thinking sooooo much!! when you find a gf just go with the flow!! and stop with you psychology books!! life isn't a book and all women don't think the same way!! just be yourself and try to understand her I think it's the most important...