How Do I Fix This ?

[Daniel.]

My girlfriend is 14 right. Her and I are both virgins

Spoiler!

(if you believed otherwise then you are mistaken).

Last night she told me that she was ready for sex with me. But that she didn't think she was a respectable age.
She was however fine with the fact we would both be preforming oral multiple times for eachother and all that (which I am really happy for btw) but she just said even though we could use protection and all that, that she thinks her age is a problem.
Shes 15 in 4 months. So shes not just like 14.

This is exactly what she said:
"hey... i didn't want to tell you on MSN but i want to tell you now... im pretty much ready.. i really want to make love with you.. but i dont want to be 14 for my first time.. i dont wan to be that young and i never have... im really sorry.. but please.. if i say i want it, then im lost in the moment.. and please stop me.. i hope you understand....?"

(I told her I would and that understood).

So basically I'm screwed? I don't just want to make love with the girl, I love her to bits so I'm fine with just making her orgasm until she passes out.
But this is really a complicated fine line, I don't know what she wants from me, everytime she has come over before shes been on her period... so that was her I dunno... "excuse" for it, and she always screamed for sex after I was only even halfway through what I was doing... now we are going to do oral on eachother which is something new for us, in the shower, in the bed.

Spoiler!

(shes also not going to be on her period this time)

So theres going to be lots going on, I know that I'm really fantastic at oral

Spoiler!

(I'm not boasting)

and i know that shes going to scream for me to make love to her again, but now shes safeguarded herself by saying please stop me. I don't WANT to stop her, I'm going to the army in 2 months, I want to have sex before then, I'm a MAN for crying out loud, I'd never forgive myself if I let this pass me, I want to give my all to her and I think age is no excuse if your in love!!! I'm only 16, I'm not much older then her. If you think that I see her for just an object to have sex with, you couldn't be further from the truth, I really love this girl and I want to give my all to her, she says she wants to give it back but I don't want to leave and come back and have missed the chance to prove how much I love her, because thats what I see it as.

Spoiler!

(I don't think shes going to jump to another guy and even be able to talk dirty with him without being able to think about me, so I know I'm ok for the mean time).

I want to do something that is the biggest object of love, dedication etc. and giving our virginity to each other would be that. Sure I'm nervous about it, from the whole conversation before that she didn't seem nervous really. I know the internet can be deceitful and I know it was only MSN that she said it on, but shes coming over this Saturday (It's Sunday now, so 6 days away)... I have 6 days to try and change her mind, if you look at it properly I only have 1 day (The day she comes over)... but I don't want her to scream at me to make love to her and then I say "but you said..." and her go "ooh... thats right... I'm sorry" I don't know if I could continue with whatever it was that I was doing to her, my heart would break and I.... I really don't know.

All I can say is I'm a man, at my age we go through a 400% boost in hormones compared to a female.. I WANT to have sex. Thats just the long and the short of it. I love this girl and I want it to mean something and I think it would. If I miss this then the 2 other times shes begged me for it I'll never get out of my head, what if, even though she was on her period we had, have had sex... I could have proved myself to her then.

So I need anyone and everyone to help me. Is there anything I can say or do to change her mind without giving her a guilt trip or making her feel bad about it, because its her body and her choice and I don't want to lay a guilt trip and I don't ever lie about anything in my life.

If your going to post like "You should be lucky my girlfriend doesn't even give me Oral" blah blah blah, then please don't post. I need help her, this is my turn for help please. I don't want boasters I don't want people saying I'm lucky about some of the things, I need any real and/or hypothetical help about things I could say, do, whatever that could help change her mind so she knows she has made the right decision. Theres no deception here or anything.

Thankyou so much everyone for anything thats ontopic to what I want in this thread. I will ask Dark_Clown nicely to remove anything thats offtopic. Also I don't expect this to have any less answers then anyother thread in here, just more ontopic answers.

~ImI

[Slayden]

There is a saying, "Making it to third base doesn't raise the score any higher than striking out." In other words, there really is no more meaning to oral sex than not having any sexual expression the relationship at all. Ask her why she thinks 14 is too young. Will her mind change so very much in the 24 hour difference between being 14 years 363 days old and 15 years even? What is the true root cause of her apprehension toward sex? After all, you are putting other parts of your body within her (your fingers, your tongue), why not your penis? Besides, she sucks your penis right? You've already put it inside of her body. Tell her you want to look into her eyes as you do it next time.

Specifically ask her these exact questions and make these exact statements. She already wants you and she has already unconsciously made her decision. Trust me when I say that she is disappointed when you remind her of the thing she told you to say. She's flimsily trying to leave the responsibility of both of your actions entirely on you. By asking her these questions, you'll be clearing the smoke screen she has set up before her eyes and removing the safety net she's set up in case she wants to pull a blame game in the future. She just needs her conscious views changed a little to see things for what they are. She's deceiving herself into thinking that there is a big difference between oral sex and intercourse.

I can understand what you are going through though, this being your first time and all. Even though it seems quite daunting to convince your girlfriend to go ahead with it, this problem actually isn't a massive one. Ever notice how the shadow of something is much bigger than the object itself? What you are feeling is the shadow, but your issue is actually the little mouse in the corner.

Oh yeah, and her always saying that she is on her period is a blatant, transparent lie. Menstruation only lasts 3-5 days, so you could always track her times. In fact, I tracked my girlfriend's period when we were still together so that I knew what her "danger days" were (the days she could get pregnant) so that I knew when it was okay to have unprotected sex and when it was best to wear a rubber or not have sex at all. So you might want to look into that if you're interested, or I could post another tut on the subject if you want.

That's pretty much it for the advice I can give. Ask her those questions I gave in the first paragraph, tell her those statements, open her eyes on the subject, and maybe track what she tells you with regard to her period, but I'm really emphasizing my first paragraph to help you.

[Daniel.]

Thankyou so much man, honestly... You have no idea how much this means to me, everyone needs atleast someone to help open their eyes, to see what they wouldn't or couldn't themselves.

With her period thing, she gets it the same time as my mother.. <_< as disturbing as it is, its true. Yes I DO document her period so I know when shes lying I have a calendar and I mark it out for the days she gets it, she says she has bad genes like her mother and that sometimes she menstruates for 6 days, never for only 3.

So basically I'll mark it out and if I think I screwed up I can ask my mum, as annoying as it seems. It sorta is. I know shes not lying because we don't lie to eachother and because of the orgasms I've given her in the past shes bled and its been quite messy.. I also know quite a bit on the subject so I know shes not fibbing. The period excuse only comes up because she says she doesn't want to lose her virginity while shes on her period but after we do give our virginity to each other that she's up for trying it. I told her its basically exactly the same and it doesn't hurt, just that its messy.

I'm glad you told me what you told me, honestly I thought it was time to give up on the whole thing. 10 views and no responses.. I know I only really needed one good one, I don't mind what people have to say on the subject, negative or positive as long as they keep to the topic and don't wander like in the other threads.

Could you please outline the specific questions I need to ask her, and the things I need to tell her so I can memorize them, the first paragraph is slightly messy. No offense.

Thanks again slayden..

[Slayden]

LOL Okay. I'm not really a fan of lines, but I'll give you some examples of what I would say if I were in your position.

You need to stay flexible, however, instead of rigidly sticking to memorized lines, because in all likelihood, she's going to fight you on it. I'll give you a start, but you'll need to work them into the conversation. From what you have written about her in other posts, it seems that she's pretty open-minded anyway, which will make this much easier than otherwise. Also wait for her to be in a slightly horny mood when you are having this discussion, but not in full swing. You want her to be even more open than normal, but you don't want her using the excuse "But I was really horny at the time."

Tip: One of the things you'll want to keep in mind is to address issues and answer questions before she even asks them. It's extremely disarming and she'll be less inclined to fight because of it.

Tip: Ask questions even though you already know what her answer is going to be, just so that you can address her answer. This serves two purposes: 1) to get it out into the open so you can alleviate her concerns, and/or 2) so that she doesn't catch you off-guard with a similar statement later.

Let's begin.

Question: "Why are you hesitant to have sex while you are still 14? I mean, why exactly?"

It doesn't really matter what she says, if she can even pinpoint a specific reason in the first place. Even if she does, she'll be coming from a standpoint of "feeling uncomfortable" about it. The root cause is most likely that she thinks that she isn't old enough to make a proper decision regarding sex. It's a spinoff of the "age of consent" laws in most countries. To address this concern, you ask her this:

Question: "Let's say tomorrow is your birthday. Will your mind change so very much in 24 hours? Is there so much of a difference between you being 14 years 363 days old and you being 15 years old?"

This will get her thinking about her maturity level, and the question will make her internalize it, causing doubt to form around what she has convinced herself to follow. Actually, the doubt is already there because of what she feels. What you are doing here is exposing just how much her current belief doesn't make sense as well as compounding her doubts.

Question: "Is it really because you are 14?" (show her a doubtful look) "What's the real reason?"

Asking her the "real" reason why she doesn't want to have sex will imply a disbelief toward something that doesn't make sense, even though it is her reason. This will just continue to feed her doubt.

You see, what you are doing is undermining her beliefs and replacing them with yours. What makes this case particularly easy is you have logic on your side AND she already enjoys sexual pleasure with you. The next thing you do is subtly switch up your tactics and begin to address the fact that you are already enjoying each other sexually.

She'll likely say something along the lines of "But that is the reason" but she'll say it halfheartedly. Continue to engage her in conversation, eventually working this in:

Statement: "Well, I am already putting parts of my body within yours." Hold up and wiggle your fingers, then stick out your tongue a little and immediately follow up with this:

Question: "So why can't I put my penis in you? Well, you suck on my penis, so actually you've already put it inside of yourself."

You've asked a question, then replied to her answer even before she got to say anything. She'll just give you a dumbfounded look and probably say something like "But it's different..." or "That's not fair" or some other stammering remark. At this point, don't let her gather her thoughts. Next a little humor to lighten the conversation. Give a mock pouting or a somewhat exaggerated sad look and ask:

Question: "Do you dislike my penis that much? Is there something wrong with it or is it ugly or..."

She'll undoubtedly cut you off at this point, but not really know what to say, saying "No, no it's not that." You don't want her constantly be put on the spot or think that you are picking on her. You want to make sure that it is obvious that you aren't serious because it's a bad idea to put on a guilt trip. At the same time, you are again making her question why she is truly holding back regarding sex. Soon, she should realize that she doesn't really know why she is holding back, that is, if she's not the stubborn type. Let her respond with something, anything, but it likely won't make sense. If silence fall between you, just pause a moment. Then while she is thinking about the lack of a reason not to have sex, smile, become very serious, and say this:

Statement: "I want to look into your eyes as I put a part of me inside you next time, in here." (gently grab her crotch while looking in her eyes)

Her heart should melt at this point, and given her lack of a reason not to have sex, she should be fine with it. But before she has a chance to answer, close her lips with yours and give her a passionate kiss, still fondling her groin. After a few moments, keep your lips locked to hers and slowly lean toward her using your other hand to lay her down. There is a small chance that she'll resist and start to push you away. In this case, don't jerk back, rather maintain the kiss and slowly pull away. She's still confused and may need a little time to process everything you've told her, so give her the time. Trust me she'll be brainstorming over it. If she doesn't push you away, you're home free and proceed to actual sex. Keep in mind, however, that she will be very scared, even though she is accepting you, so take it slow and maybe give her an orgasm or two with oral to release some of her tensions.

When embarking on this, make sure to keep the conversation flowing. One of the problems with memorizing lines is it's rigid. Go ahead and memorize them, but you may need to reword it a little or add some stuff so that it seamlessly fits within your current context.

One more thing, if at all during the conversation she mentions feeling pain the first time having sex, just reply with:

Statement: "That has nothing to do with age, but I know a way that you won't feel much pain at all."

There are a multitude of signals to keep in mind. Is she getting angry? What's her body language? Is she shifting in one spot? Is she uncomfortable? You'll need to steer the conversation in different directions depending on how she reacts. Remember, stay flexible.

[Queenie]

Slayden ish pro xD!

[DDv]

What Slayden told You is all very good.
But.
I think You shouldn't only focus on convincing her. As Slayden has told You she has already made her decision, subconsciously. You should instead find out what this decision is. If it's the exact opposite of that You expect You could ruin Your relationship with her.

Just be careful (and patient if You have to). Don't rush things.

[Daniel.]

Thanks again Slayden, it sounds as if you had known my Girlfriend before I even knew her :P you got pretty much exactly what I think will happen as well.

Anyway what I WAS going to do was this:

Nothing.

If she asked for sex, I was going to give it to her, without alarming her I was more or less going to slip the condom on, (this is after alot of foreplay) and take it nice and slow, all the while trying to keep her in the mood. I was also thinking about removing the whole conversation from her brain by filling it with other thoughts and emotions, like orgasms and anything and everything else delightful in the hopes that when she "was in the moment" that she wouldn't remember what she told me.

If she played the blame game again I was going to simply say look, you told me you were ready.. then she would have said "No I didn't say that! I said I thought I was ready but I'm too young!" Then I was going to go into a discussion about the fact that shes more mature then she thinks, and open up a few doors that have stayed closed in her for awhile.

After she got over that then I'd pretty much sweeten it by saying I love you and that I wanted to give my all to you... etc. Even though it sounds fake it would have all been true.

[Slayden]

Originally Posted by DDv

As Slayden has told You she has already made her decision, subconsciously. You should instead find out what this decision is.

I don't think you're very observant. She was begging him to have sex with her, but she told him earlier not to do it. As I already said, she's shifting responsibility to him. She can't completely come to terms with her own desires, which is why she's trying to shift responsibility to him. Underneath it all, she really does want to have sex with him.

Originally Posted by DDv

If it's the exact opposite of that You expect You could ruin Your relationship with her.

No. At worst it would be an awkward moment if he follows the kiss/slow-pull-away, but I wouldn't even expect this much to happen.

Originally Posted by DDv

Just be careful (and patient if You have to). Don't rush things.

I think I'll quote myself this time.

Originally Posted by Slayden

There is a small chance that she'll resist and start to push you away. In this case, don't jerk back, rather maintain the kiss and slowly pull away. She's still confused and may need a little time to process everything you've told her, so give her the time. Trust me she'll be brainstorming over it.

[Slayden]

Originally Posted by ImI

Thanks again Slayden, it sounds as if you had known my Girlfriend before I even knew her :P you got pretty much exactly what I think will happen as well.

I help when I can. ;)

Originally Posted by ImI

If she asked for sex, I was going to give it to her, without alarming her I was more or less going to slip the condom on her, (this is after alot of foreplay) and take it nice and slow, all the while trying to keep her in the mood. I was also thinking about removing the whole conversation from her brain by filling it with other thoughts and emotions, like orgasms and anything and everything else delightful in the hopes that when she "was in the moment" that she wouldn't remember what she told me.

You could do this, and she may realize after the fact that she was ready all along and missing out on so much, but it's something of a risk. I would do this myself as well, but only if I knew for a fact that this is how she would react. I can't make that deep of a judgment call for you because I don't know her. If I were to speak to her for a few minutes (over any topic really) I could tell you how she would react, but not on what little info I have right now.

Originally Posted by ImI

If she played the blame game again I was going to simply say look, you told me you were ready.. then she would have said "No I didn't say that! I said I thought I was ready but I'm too young!" Then I was going to go into a discussion about the fact that shes more mature then she thinks, and open up a few doors that have stayed closed in her for awhile.

After she got over that then I'd pretty much sweeten it by saying I love you and that I wanted to give my all to you... etc. Even though it sounds fake it would have all been true.

Bad bad bad. This is exactly the kind of reaction you don't want from her. You don't want her blaming you at all. That would open a host of problems in your relationship in the future, which is why you need to know what her reaction would be before you do anything. The advice I've given is the safe route to get what you both want. Again, if you know for a fact that she will react positively, go ahead and slip her the dick when she starts asking for it in the moment, otherwise, play it safe and don't toy the foundation of your relationship, which is trust.